But God,

The past couple of weeks have been especially bittersweet.  Peyton's friends and cousins have grown up.  This means marriages have taken place and babies are being born.  Such joyful and wonderful times filled with "firsts".  Tom and I are grateful to share in these celebrations even though they make us think, "what if?"  Would Peyton be married with children by now?

One of Peyton's close friends and relative had a baby the other day.  She is beautiful.  After our first visit, we were at home and talking about how wonderful she is and ................Holy Moly, I can hear the song "I Can Only Imagine" coming from the office across from mine right now!!!  It's true, I can only imagine what it would be like to hold Peyton's child.  There have been several times since holding that newborn that have brought me to tears, wanting something I cannot have.  

BUT GOD,   

God has good plans for us.  Several months after Peyton's accident I told the Lord I wanted grandchildren.  This is not possible; BUT GOD.  He has provided 5 grands for us so far.  And this week, after I'd cried a few times over what I did not have, God provided opportunity.  We were able to keep 2 of our grands for 4 days!  This brought perspective.  God knows us and He cares about our hurts.  God is generous, going above what we can even imagine.

Peyton has been in Heaven for 13 years and each day is still about what I choose to focus on.  Do I focus on what I do not have or the tremendous Blessing He has planned?  

Pictures of a couple of His Blessing to me. 

 

Growth & Changes

So many thoughts and feelings rolling around inside.  Tom and I returned from vacation last week and I have to say, it was one of the best things we've ever done for ourselves.  The opportunity came suddenly and it took a day or so before we said yes.  Tom and I are inexperienced when it comes to travel and vacation so it was difficult to say yes to something so spur of the moment.  The time had come to shed any doubts and go for it.  We had a few days to pack and plan and when the day arrived for us to leave, it was obvious God had arranged it all.  I had several high pressure situations at work and they were going to be completed and settled the day before we left.  It was perfect timing and I felt very free to enjoy myself and not concern myself with the office.  Saying yes to this opportunity and traveling on our own were not the only things that caused us to grow.

This trip would enable us to further intertwine our lives with our adopted family.  When you spend 4 nights and 3 days together, playing in the sand and surf, eating out, etc., you get to know people on a more intimate level. It was a growing experience for all of us. This is one of our adopted grand kids seven years ago.  Here is a link to the blog post I wrote. Everything I wrote in that post has come to fruition and is getting better and better.  God is good!

The following pictures show what a great time we had and we are forever grateful.

Mother’s Day 2018

It’s been awhile. I hope I remember how to blog. I would usually post to Facebook but this day warrants more words, so here goes.
The last three days I have been in a terrible state of mind, focusing on myself and what I thought people should do for me or should have done for me. I’ve been in a deep pit and I didn’t even care!  I’m not going to go into details, but it was bad. This morning I had decided I was going to serve at church and then leave, not even stay for service. I kept picturing myself in a puddle of tears if one person said Happy Mother’s Day. I was dreading it. As I was getting ready I told the Lord, “I need something special from You, something that lets me know You are here.”  I know He is always with me, but as I said, I was in a bad way.

Tom and I got to church and set up breakfast for all the volunteers and I began to feel better. That’s what happens when you serve others and get your eyes off of yourself. The morning progressed, lots of Mother’s Day greetings and I did not melt into a puddle. HOWEVER, there was a moment that had me sobbing. A woman gave Tom and I a gift, a very special gift.

This is Peyton’s handwriting cut out of wood!  She used something I had posted on Facebook and I didn’t know she was doing this!  This is where she got the handwriting.

I’ve wanted this done for awhile and was looking for the right thing to use. Little did I know, God had it worked out. The blessing from the sign is amazing, but the other, bigger blessing is that she thought of us. Add to that, the fact that I had asked God for something special this morning. He loves me so much, even when I’ve been ungrateful. His mercy endures forever. I can’t act bad enough for Him to leave me or give up on me.

Thank you so much Michelle for using your talent to bless us this morning. It is the greatest thing to be used of the Lord and you certainly were today.

The Lesson I Must Learn Again

I haven't been here in a long time.  Well actually, I have come to the blog, but I haven't written anything in almost a year.  I come to the blog and read.  I read of all the times God has carried me.  I read the comments and feel the love.

Tonight I am missing my boy. A LOT.  It's one of those desperate times.  I think of his face and cannot believe he is still gone.  I want to look at pictures of him, but don't.  I know if I do, I will want to crawl into them.

I get tired of missing him.  Sometimes it is still work to focus on the good things I have instead of what I do not have.  The work makes me tired.

OH MY!!! What a pitiful blog post!!!  I wrote these paragraphs and one other one that was too self serving to let you see.  I saved the post as a draft and then began to read old posts and comments.  I've learned too much and God has shown me too much to act like this.  I do have challenging times but GOD IS STILL BIGGER!!  I'm going to get some sleep and be More Than a Conqueror!! 

Twice a Day

I. Miss. My. Son. All. The. Time. 

I can do that and still live a wonderful life.  I stay focused (the majority of the time) on what I do have and not on what I am missing. 

Recognizing God’s love messages to me also keeps me on top. 

The pictures I am posting are not the greatest quality, but they are examples of God telling me He sees me and He loves me.  I took a couple of them at work and one in my car.  This happens to me all the time.  I’ll be feeling stressed or unsure and I will see these numbers.  They make me smile because they bring up a memory of Peyton. 

Anytime the clock would have these types of times, Peyton would say, “that only happens twice a day”.  So typical of his sense of humor. 

3:33                                     

4:44

  

11:11

1:11

I love it and GOD LOVES ME!!  He loves you too and will show you in the coolest ways!!

 

Thanks for reading

Memorials

Today our Pastor talked about building memorials.  Memorials help us remember things that have happened in the past.  You can look at a picture and remember the people that were there and how you felt at that moment. 

We should be memorializing God and remembering all the great and good things He has done in our lives.  When we look at pictures of the milestones and blessings in our lives we should remember the One who makes it all possible, the One who abundantly blesses us with every good thing. 

That is what the Masterpiece is all about.  It has Peyton’s initials on it, but it wasn’t built as a monument to him.  It is our reminder of how far Tom and I have come since January 12, 2008.  Every time I look out the window and see the pavilion standing there, I will remember how God carried us.  I will remember the people He sent to love on us and pray for us.  I can sit and think about God’s grace and how He showered it on us and continues to shower us with it.  I could tell story after story, but I’ve already told them throughout this blog. 

What benefit is there in remembering the past?  It builds our faith in the plans God has for us for our future.  We’ve been blessed in our past and we will be blessed in the future.

Every gathering that takes place under the pavilion will be a celebration of how much God loves us. God will be glorified and memorialized there. 

I love the fact that we were able to break ground on this project on the 5th anniversary of Peyton going to Heaven.  God is into details. 

I hope this post encourages you to reflect on a regular basis on the things God has done in your life.

Now for some pictures of the first celebration at the pavilion!

Lots of chairs for lots of guests!!

MEMORIAL PICTURES!!  My heart overflowed when the Bride asked for a picture of Peyton to be included.

Having some fun

The wedding party

Funny boys men.

Love this!!

First dance

Jacksons & Shepherds!!

Jacksons & Shepherds (aka The Peanuts)

I know when the bride and groom look at their pictures they will remember all the love and happiness of that day.

Thanks for reading

The Masterpiece

In my last post I said we were breaking ground for a pavilion.  We did and it is amazing.  This post is going to be mainly pictures of the construction process, but I had to tell you about the confirmation from the Lord I got about building this awesome structure.  As I was driving down the interstate, I was praying about the pavilion and for my husband.  I knew this was a big project and it was weighing on Tom’s mind.  He wanted to do a good job and  wasn’t sure how to do it.  We didn’t know anyone that had built a pavilion.  So I was praying about the construction process and that Tom wouldn’t feel like he was doing this all by himself.  Then I got the Word, “It’s going to be a Masterpiece”.  As soon as I heard that in my heart, I knew it was going to be a Masterpiece because it was being built by THE MASTER.  OMGoodness!  I knew Tom wasn’t going to feel alone.  He wasn’t doing this project in his own strength.  The Lord would be instructing him the whole time!!!  Our God is amazing and He loves us so much.  He wants to be involved and consulted in our everyday.  God also provided FREE LABOR AND EQUIPMENT for this project.  I’ll point those out with the pics.

The building site for the pavilion is pretty much where my blog header picture was taken.

Now for the pictures!

The dirt work was provided by a good friend for a minimal cost. 
What he charged us might have paid for his fuel.

 

 



Digging holes for the posts.  Making sure everything is level.
 

The steel posts are set!!

This is Burke cutting off the tops of the posts so they are
the same height. 

The concrete was poured and STAMPED while I was at
work so I don't have pics of that process. 
It has since been stained and it looks AMAZING!

 

The rafters going up.  Again, the Lord provided the equipment.

Tom and some great helpers

All the rafters are up!!!

Putting up the ceiling

Lots of helpers and use of a tractor from my uncle.
I don't know how safe this was, but it worked!

Getting the job done

There it is, the FIREPLACE!

Holy Moly, it looks good even with only concrete blocks!

Progress on the rock work

Peyton is always on our minds.

Ceiling fans and lights.  Burke and Tom did the wiring.
Tom & Peanut installed the ceiling fans and lights.
We have electrical outlets too!!

It couldn't have turned out better!

What it looks like from the house.
Thank you Lord!

Lots of hard work and love went into this construction project.  As always, we are extremely grateful to our friends for their help and dedication.  We love you guys! 
Now...........Let's have a PARTY!!!

On a side note - I went back and used blogger to write this post instead of LiveWriter.  I had a terrible time getting pictures placed where I wanted them.  I don't think it was me, so I will go back to LiveWriter.  Here is a picture I couldn't leave out, but I couldn't get it where I wanted it.  So forgive the inconsistency in my picture timeline of progress.

Our property is rocky, so this machine saved lots of time and hard work.
It was provided at NO COST by a great friend.

Thanks for reading :)