Tom & I are still moving through the process of grieving. I think that is key, we are moving. We have not gotten stuck in despair. We are doing well. I sometimes hesitate to talk about where we are as far as our day to day living. I don’t want other grieving parents to compare themselves to us. Everyone is different. The majority of our first year was shock and dreading getting through the “firsts”. The second year (we are almost at 20 months) we have had more opportunities to realize what has been taken from us, the future we will not experience. This also means more opportunities to consciously turn our thoughts to the positive. We have asked ourselves, “How did we make it through any of this?” Our Daddy is BIG and He loves us. He never left us and we never left Him.
8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deut 31:8
I remember early on in this journey I wanted to feel better, but I didn’t want to think of moving on without Peyton. I knew we would. I’ve seen other people do it. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I don’t really comprehend it now. I look at his pictures sometimes and the fact that he is gone takes my breath away.
I have had days when I wanted to move out of our house and start over, a clean slate without daily reminders. We aren’t going to move, we like it here and it wouldn’t make it any easier.
We are still giving Peyton’s things away. Tom makes knives and he had made Peyton one that he carried when he hunted. We gave that to a good friend of Peyton’s on Sunday. They were touched and we were glad. It is good to give his things away to people that love him. It is almost selfish on our part. We hope that these things bring up conversations about Peyton through the years.
I am on the verge of boxing up the rest of his things and re-decorating his room (I didn’t even like typing those words). I want to make a memory quilt out of some of his clothes. I want to incorporate some of his Wranglers in it, maybe just the pockets, I’m not sure. A friend of Peyton’s wears the same jeans and his were getting too small. We traded. He now has Peyton’s and we will have his to use for the quilt. I like this.
His closet still smells like him.
