A New Hobby

I have been stepping out of my comfort zone…….a lot. 

The new hobby I mentioned in the previous post is bow shooting.  I don’t plan on hunting.  I’m shooting at targets only.  I know there are bow competitions held around here.  Who knows?  I may sign up for one :)

Here is what happened the first time I shot.

Two huge bruises on my forearm.  Bruises I learned from.

Sorry for the blurriness.  I am having camera issues.

I’m all healed up and shooting again, getting more accurate all the time (and stronger, pulling back that bow is not easy)

This is Mrs. Peanut, she is getting good!!!

 

I love this pic of Tom and I shooting together.  A symbol of change, new interests and living life.

 

I can’t help but think of Peyton when I shoot.  I know he would be so proud of his mom!!!

Thanks for reading :)

Empty Nest

Tom & I are very different people.  He loves the outdoors, fishing, hunting, etc.  I am an inside person, reading, cooking, tv, etc.  The things we  have in common are our relationship with God, church activities and our son.

Parenting Peyton was the focus of our lives. We share our memories of him and we share missing him.  But we can no longer share his everyday life. 

Parents adjust to “empty nest” syndrome all the time.  It is especially difficult when the empty nest doesn’t come naturally.  In the “normal” order of things, your child or children gradually pull away from you as they mature and then they go out on their own. 

I remember as Peyton was maturing and wanting more independence; it was very hard to let go.  I knew it could be a great battle between us, so I was honest with him.  I told him that he would have to be patient with me; and that it was hard for me to adjust to him growing up, but I would get there.

The time for me to “get there'” was cut short and I was suddenly thrown into living without him.  He’s not coming home for a visit.  Peyton will not bring us grandchildren. 

Tom & I have many surrogate children that bring us much joy, but I’ll be darned if they aren’t growing up and leaving too.  As it should be.  (and they better bring me some surrogate grandchildren in the not so distant distant future)  We still have our favorite little guys to play with and some other babies are already on the way. :)

 

Thanks for reading :)

This post did not turn out the way I started it at all.  The title was “A New Hobby”.  Tom and I have found ourselves looking for things to do together.  I have taken up a hobby that Tom has been doing for awhile.  I’ll tell you all about it in another post.

Is that Fear?

The first time I spoke to the producer of the ESPN story, I was very nervous afterward.  I wasn’t sure if this was something Tom and I should do.  Fear had a very loud voice and I was listening.  I was having trouble distinguishing if the thoughts I was having were fear or God telling me not to do it. 

I told a few people that I was nervous and was told twice, “You don’t have to do this.”  I was shocked at their words but they were right; I didn’t have to do this.  Then I knew it was fear talking to me the whole time.  I did have to do this.

There is a difference between fear and a check (uneasiness) in your spirit.  If you feel a check or STOP in your spirit, you need to stop.  If it’s fear………laugh in its face.  Don’t let fear steal a blessing.  Don’t let fear stop you from being a blessing.  I was taught, “Feel the fear and do it any way.” 

God is with us always.  He leads us to victory.

Thanks for reading :)

ESPN…………really.

God is a wonderful conductor and will orchestrate things perfectly, if we let Him.

There were several links in the chain of events that put a producer from ESPN in touch with me.  We emailed a few times and spoke on the phone.  Tom and I agreed to do an interview for a story on rodeo safety.  I didn’t understand why we were doing the interview and I examined my motives carefully.  Was I doing it for notoriety? for an opportunity to talk about Peyton?  something cool to blog about?  Lots of self examination going on inside my head, but I got peace about it.  I was still nervous and my stomach turned over about three times any time I thought about it.

Last Monday the reporter, Paula and I spoke on the phone.  She wanted to introduce herself and talk a little before she came to our home on Wednesday.   She told me this would be a difficult interview for her because her 5  month old baby boy, Wyatt had gone to Heaven in December. 

Now I knew why we were doing this interview.  It was an opportunity to support a grieving mom.  God will go to great lengths to supply our every need.  I don’t want to make more of myself, because I have nothing uplifting or good outside of God.  He is my Father and is with me always.  The nervousness I had about the interview left me.  This arrangement wasn’t about the ESPN interview, it was about physical contact with a mother who misses her baby boy.  God is good, all the time.

On human terms, it was a very cool thing for us and I loved being able to talk about Peyton too :)  We had five people involved, two camera men, one sound man, a producer and the reporter.  I was interviewed for about 45 minutes; then they asked Tom some questions.  He did excellent :)  Here are a few pics of the process our home went through. 

Moving the furniture.

 

Using dining room chairs for the interview. (I don’t think the deer head made it into any of the shots.)

Sound man :)

 

Putting up clothe to block the uncooperative sunlight.

 

The crew testing the camera angles, sound equipment, etc.

Camera man looking into the monitor.

Me, Paula & Tom :)

Everyone was really nice (and they moved the furniture back)

Thanks for reading :)

Me & Funerals

Friday, I attended a funeral for a great man, Charles B. Dyer.  He has been the superintendent of our school system since 1968.  Mr. Dyer was a pioneer and a visionary concerning the funding of our public schools.  His funeral was large and had some very important people in attendance, such as Arkansas  Governor Mike Beebe.  A letter from former President Bill Clinton was read and other people spoke.  I did not attend this funeral because it was a big, important person’s.  I attended to show the family support.  I have been a good friend of Mr. Dyer’s son since high school. 

I confess that before Peyton’s accident, I did not think attendance of funerals was very important.  Not because I am an unfeeling person, but because I believed the family wouldn’t  know if I were there or not.  I was wrong.

When I think back on all the people that attended Peyton’s visitation and funeral, I am grateful.  I am grateful that people would put aside their own schedules and show support to hurting people.

It was several months before I was able to go to a funeral after Peyton’s.  I didn’t want to make a spectacle of myself.  I am strong enough now to go and show my support and sympathy.

If you think like I used to think, think again.  Your presence is appreciated and the families are blessed by your attendance.

Thanks for reading :)

p.s. The ESPN thing I talked about in this post……it happened Wednesday.  I will post it tomorrow :)

 

Spirit of Generosity

I said in the previous post, I would tell more of the quilt story.  God’s involvement didn’t end when the quilt was finished.

There were some special ladies I wanted to see the quilt.  I called one of them and invited myself over and asked if I could invite another lady over too.  SHE WAS ALREADY THERE.  I kept them in suspense until I arrived.

We were standing/sitting around the living room looking at the quilt.  I was explaining to them about each square and the design and the symmetry of the whole thing.  I told how God put me and the seamstress together and His hand was on it the whole time.  It was good to talk about.  Then we realized……………each woman in the room had lost a son.  There were four of us together admiring this handiwork, not just the quilt, but the orchestration of that moment.  God is generous with His love.

I want to share some comments that were made on Facebook.

This was written to me.

Rejoice with those who rejoice [sharing others' joy], and weep with those who weep [sharing others' grief]. Romans 12:15

How awesome to rejoice with you yesterday, friend. How amazing it was that you showed the quilt to us yesterday and all four women present have sons who have died. AND...we all experienced God's grace to rejoice to...gether.

Thank you for sharing the joy and the journey with us!

P.S. Jenny, I've never met you, but I wanted you to know your creative gift from God ministered to all of us as we marveled at Peyton's quilt.

This was Jenny’s (the seamstress) comment to the one above.

Wow, that's all I can say. I never dreamed that God would use this quilt in such a way. Our God is an Awesome God alright!

I had named the photo album on Facebook – PDJ Memory Quilt – stitched with love by Jenny. This is Jenny’s comment on the album.

Becky, It was MOST DEFINITELY made with love, every single stitch! I can't explain what an honor it was that you asked me to do this. (tears are flowing :) Whether you realize it or not, God was using you the whole time I was working on this, inspiring me by your walk, your strength, and your love for Him. I just thought you should know that. God Bless you and Tom and thank you again!

She is thanking me?!?!?  That is a generous spirit.

Every time we have shown the quilt, people have thanked us for showing it to them.  That is generosity.  It humbles me.  I am grateful they want to see it and am happy to share it with them.

I love how God uses us all to be a blessing to one another.  That is what the Body of Christ should be about, supporting, loving and using our gifts to build up one another.

I hope sharing this experience has encouraged you today.  Use your God given gifts generously. 

Thanks for reading :)

p.s. for those who’ve asked – I plan on keeping the quilt on the quilt rack in the living room so I can grab it and cover up whenever I need to ;)

The Quilt

I’m sure I’ve mentioned I was having something special made.  It turned out better than I could have imagined.  I knew this would be the case because God was ALL OVER IT!!!!  When I had the idea for the quilt, I asked God to send me the right person for the job.  After all, I didn’t want to hand over Peyton’s things to just anyone. 

The right person was Jenny.  She is a sweetheart and very talented and very tenacious and very dedicated and very…  You get the picture, she is special.  I knew she was the woman for the task at hand.  I had no doubts when I handed over Peyton’s clothes to her that they were in capable hands, anointed hands, divinely appointed hands.

She spent 18 months of her life putting this memory quilt together.  If you check out her blog, you will see she squeezes every moment out of every day.  She would tell me from time to time she was sorry it was taking so long.  I had no fear, no anxiety.  I had perfect peace that it would be finished when it was supposed to be finished.  So here it is. 

Sorry Facebook friends, this is a rerun for you, but I had to share on my blog too :)

This is the completed quilt.  It is approximately 5 x 5.

The center square is from a t-shirt of Tom’s dad’s.  He was notorious for keeping every fish he caught, no matter its size.:) Peyton wore it to sleep in after his PaPa went to Heaven. (15 yrs ago) 

 

Some of Peyton’s favorite shirts.  I love the way she did the collars on each one.

 

His jeans with boxers hidden underneath.  What a personal touch.

 

The quilt backing was a sheet from his bedding.  She incorporated the Browning symbol on the front too.

This piece may be the closest to my heart.  Peyton wore these Wranglers during the day of his accident to help a friend paint his house.  I believe those are Peyton’s fingerprints wiping paint onto his pants.  I remember telling him. “I can’t believe you wore those BRAND NEW Wranglers to paint in!”

You can imagine how special this quilt is to our family.  God is concerned with the details of our lives.  He wanted me to be blessed with this quilt. 

There are more stories of blessing connected to this divine gift.  I will share “the rest of the story” in another post.  I hope you have enjoyed looking at the pictures as much as I have enjoyed sharing them with you.

Thanks for reading :)