A Full and Blessed Weekend

Friday – Homecoming

This girl is beautiful inside and out. We have taken several vacations with her and her family. She and Peyton were good friends. She is a very serious and focused young woman. Her mom stopped by the house one day; Amanda had had a bad day and stayed in the car. Peyton went out to the car, opened her door and kissed her right on the lips and said, “Love ya Babe” and walked away. Made her laugh.

The picture above is when they were in 1st grade. She was a cheerleader for the little league football team Peyton played on. (This is the south; we start football EARLY) Each cheerleader was required to sell raffle tickets to walk in the Little League Homecoming. If you can’t imagine a Little League homecoming, picture a southern beauty pageant with approximately 150 contestants, each with an escort. It is quite a production and raises a lot of $$$$$$$$$ for our little league program. Whoever sold the most tickets on each team was the Team Queen. Amanda won the title. In Peyton’s 1st grade mind, “if Amanda is the Queen, then I must be the King. I’ll never forget that.

After the Homecoming game, we had friends over and had some good deer chili, etc.

Saturday Afternoon- Taylor

Taylor came to visit us! We’ve known her since before she was born. Her mom is my BFF; she was holding Peyton in this post. We had a chance to talk about missing Peyton and how she’s been doing. She lives a couple of hours away and her friends didn’t know him. I know one thing that has helped the kids around here was having each other to talk to.

Saturday Night – 1st Runner-Up

We went to the Miss AHS pageant. The girl I mentioned in this post, got 1st Runner-up. Very proud

Sunday Afternoon – Project Graduation meeting.

Won’t bore you will details, but it was very productive!

As you can see, we had a busy weekend. Every event was good and had some difficult moments. I sometimes wonder if it is going to get harder when the kids graduate and are living more on their own and we don’t have them around nearly as much. I cannot dwell on or worry about things I cannot control. I can only believe that Tom & I will grow better and better. Our lives are changing all the time. The season we are in now will be replaced with another and we will be blessed in that season too. God has great things in store for us and we don’t plan on missing even one of them.

Father God, I am grateful for each and every moment. I am blessed and I know it. I am strengthened in my inner man with the knowledge of your unwavering, unfailing love for me. I plan to spread it to everyone I come in contact with. I am ready for anything and everything because You live inside me. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Perspective

The first home football game of the season was last night. I saw the football program for the first time. Our page turned out great. A few other people included Peyton on their pages too. They have no idea what that means to us. They dug through their pictures and found some of Peyton and their kids from when they were younger. There were a few in their teenage years too. The football program reminded me again that this is their Senior year. We are all living our lives without him.

The wanting is overwhelming.

I want Peyton to be here. Sometimes after school events, I wonder if I live in denial. When we are with the other kids, it seems he is there too. Other times the hole is very obvious to me.

I look at pictures with a new perspective. Pictures of Peyton when he is younger do not bring me sadness. That little boy has been gone a long time. They used to make me a sad, thinking about the little boy who was now all grown up. It is the teenage pictures that tear at my heart, the recent ones that hint at the man he was becoming. I know this is a very sentimental time for the parents of Peyton’s friends. It is still difficult to read on Facebook their thoughts of sadness for their children’s past. I want to comment, “Thank God they are still here. Look forward to their futures!” I don’t of course. I said it was hard for me, I don’t mean it is wrong for them to feel this way. Like I said, I have a different perspective. I wish I didn’t.

Football Program

Every year the school publishes a football program. In it are pictures of the football teams, cheerleaders, band etc. Parents and businesses buy 1/4, 1/2 or full page ads and advertise their businesses or put pictures of their kids in it. I had planned on waiting until Peyton's Senior yr before I bought an ad. We bought a full page last year. If you click on it, you can see it better.

A friend of Peyton's put it together for me. I have been looking through pictures tonight trying to come up with what I want to do this year. I want it to be about Peyton's friends. They are all graduating this year. I have been having an emotional time here lately. Today marks 18 months since Peyton moved to Heaven. That, coupled with looking through pictures for the program was a hard combination. I have cried a lot tonight. I miss him and I want Peyton here. I don't feel like talking myself out of it.

I have been so spoiled in my life, blessing after blessing. I appreciated every one of them. I have never wanted something as bad as wanting to see Peyton and not gotten it.

I am going to bed now. I will get up tomorrow; face the grief down and put satan under my feet.

As Scarlett O'Hara says, "After all, tomorrow is another day."

okay, that's funny.