Sunday, July 20, 2008

Tom & I are getting ready to go on vacation. We are excited, never flown before. Of course, my mind goes to Peyton constantly. I tell myself that I couldn't take him anywhere better than where he is, Heaven. I know he is with our Father and having an unbelievable time. I just miss him.

Church this morning!! Pastor Kevin was really good, ministering on Hope.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Peyton's Going Home Service

We didn't really have to plan it. God's active grace made the service perfect. I knew the songs I wanted played, I Can Only Imagine, & History Makers. I had asked several of Peyton's friends & cousins if they would like to speak. The casket had to be wood. Peyton had come out of his room a few weeks earlier telling me how much he loved the shirt he was wearing. It was a Christmas present from us. It was hunter orange. Tom called the funeral home to ask measurements of the inside of the casket. I was going to Wal-Mart to buy some camo fabric to lay inside it. The funeral home said they could get a camo drape. It was perfectly Peyton.

Pat Medeiros had people bringing pictures to his shop and the AiredaleNation guy put together the DVD for the funeral. I picked out “When I Get Where I’m Goin” by Brad Paisley & Dolly Parton for the song. Then I changed my mind and wanted Tim McGraw’s “Live Like You Were Dyin’” because I knew that was how Peyton did live. It turned out they needed two songs for the DVD because there were so many pictures. The kids picked out a really sad song, but I wanted them to have a part in it so I was going to use it. Then Steven Medeiros told Pat to use the Paisley/Parton song. He didn’t even know that was my original pick. I know God used Steven and the perfect songs were played during the DVD. It was a perfect representation of Peyton’s life.

The DVD was played as people were coming in. The church was overflowing with people. The funeral director estimated 1300 people. It was amazing. Peyton's former employer spoke. Three friends spoke and then the three cousins, they were all amazing. We laughed at all the stories told. I was so proud of them. Kayli sang There You'll Be, by Faith Hill. I was so touched and impressed, she was awesome. Our church praise team ROCKED the place with History Makers. We had people standing up and clapping!! What else could we do? Our son was in Heaven!!!!

I remember coming out of the church as the pallbearers were loading the casket into the hearse. There were hundreds of people standing in the parking lot waiting to go to the cemetary. I will never forget that. It was very hard when the funeral director asked who we wanted for pallbearers. How could I ask these 15 - 20 year old boys to do this? But of course they did it and let us know they were honored to be ask. Again, I am amazed at these young people. I love them.

We were told by many people they felt better after Peyton's service. People that hadn't seen him since he was little said they felt like they knew Peyton the teenager. Everyone who left that service knew where my son was and that they would see him again if Jesus was Lord of their life. Isn't that what are lives should be about, pointing people to Jesus?

That Night

January 12, 2008

We are headed to the rodeo in Muskogee, Oklahoma. Peyton is riding a bull tonight. I don’t really want to go to a rodeo, but I do want to support my son. I know it will be a late night because bull riding is always the last event. Peyton is intense. We get to the arena and take our seats, waiting for his event to begin. Peyton is sitting with friends. When it is his turn to ride, Tom goes down to the chutes to pull his rope. I am ready with the camera. The bull is turned out and Peyton rides him for all he’s worth. He is bucked off. The next thing I hear is the announcer calling for the ambulance. The EMT’s are there putting him on the stretcher. Peyton’s arms are limp. I think, great he is knocked out again. He just had a concussion about 4 months before this. We go outside to get to the ambulance. The way the chutes are running we can’t get straight to the ambulance and have to walk around the building. One of Peyton’s fellow riders is leading us. He thinks the bull stepped on Peyton’s jaw. I think, his jaw will probably have to be wired shut.

We finally get around to the ambulance, they aren’t going anywhere. They are waiting on another ambulance. I don’t understand. Why aren’t they going to the hospital. One of the EMT’s tells me they are “working on him”. “Working on him for what?” I ask. He says there is no pulse. There are electrical impulses from his heart, but no pulse.

We get to our truck and follow the ambulance to the hospital. I can see them working on him through the ambulance doors. I try to pray but can’t seem to. I tell myself, this is your son’s life, you must fight for it. I began to pray like I have never prayed before. I commanded Satan to let go of my son. I quoted every scripture related to long life, authority, & weapons. I commanded his heart to beat and his lungs to breathe, over and over again, the same thing when we reached the hospital and were waiting. I did not stop praying, except to call other people to pray. I reached Pastor Susan and told her the situation. I talked to several others and asked them to pray. I prayed the Word of God, I talked to my mom, I told others that were calling, I can’t talk I have to pray for my son. I left the hallway to go to the bathroom. When I came out the doctor was there. Peyton was gone.

Tom and I went into the area where Peyton was. We knew "he" wasn’t there. We touched his face, kissed his forehead. We didn’t stay that long. I told Tom we need to get out of here. I felt if I thought too long about leaving I wouldn’t be able to leave.

We drove to Muldrow to Blaine’s house and picked up my car. Brock drove it home and Tom and I were in Tom’s truck. I remember asking Brock to ask his mom to make our bed. The clean sheets were in a pile on the bed, but I hadn’t put them on yet. I knew I couldn’t when I got home. When we arrived there were so many cars in our yard and driveway. It took me by surprise. I just thought people would come in the morning. We pulled into the garage and as my hand was on the door, I told Tom I don’t want to go in. I couldn’t imagine starting this new life. Of course we did go in. We had so many people there for us. With the technology of cell phones everyone had heard. I heard stories later of people driving to Muskogee to be with us, but we had already headed home. We got to bed about 3:30 and got up about 6:00.

My Life Right Now.

The thing that overshadows my life right now is the life and death of my son, Peyton Jackson. He was killed in a bullriding accident on January 12, 2008. He was sixteen. I miss him more than words can say. My husband and I are doing well in spite of our grief. We know that God has great things in store for our lives. We were an incredibly blessed family before this horrible event and we are still being blessed. I focus on Peyton's life, not his death. He was only 16, but he was living his dream of going to the PBR. My husband and I are not huge rodeo fans, but we supported our son in what he wanted to do. I believe he would have been a great witness for Christ. I am hoping this blog will help me to organize my thoughts and focus on the things God is working on in my life. I know with God all things are possible to those who believe. I believe.