Sunday, March 29, 2009

Redneck or Inner City?????

I haven't called the number or checked the website, but this looks real. I must be unbalanced, because I find this extremely funny.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Desperate Feelings

The tournament did not happen today........too cold and wet. Hopefully they are going to pull off a one day tourney tomorrow.

I don't know if it is because of the tournament, but I have been having those "desperate feelings". I know Peyton is gone, but there are times when I am so desperate to find him. I am desperate to do something to change what has happened and I can't. It's as if I am waiting for our life to get back to the way it was; then it sinks in again that it is never going to be the same. It's an awful feeling.

I am not ruled by my feelings.

Satan would have me wallow in the past. Flipping through the channels I came across a cartoon we would watch together, then I started thinking about other things we watched together. These thoughts do me no good. Those thoughts focus on the loss. My focus must be on the present, the here and now and the many blessings our lives are saturated with. .......I like that "saturated with blessings". Thank you Lord. I have lots of good memories of Peyton and our life with him. It's okay to remember the good times, but I musn't dwell on the loss and what I do not have. I can see his smiling face and most of the time that makes me smile.

I have tons of Peyton stories and I plan on posting them from time to time. I hope they bring a smile to your face too. I have plans to post about all the blessings that have come into our lives since Peyton has been gone also. There are lots.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Tournament T-shirt

I can't believe it has been 6 days since my last post!!! I've been working alot, it's "that time of year". I wanted to post this picture. It is what the T-shirts are going to look like for this weekend's Peyton Jackson Memorial Baseball Tournament. I will post more about the tournament this weekend. If you want a T-shirt, let me know. They usually cost about $12.00.

It is surreal to see your son's name and picture on a T-shirt. God is good!!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

My Assignment

My head is so full of things I want to say, things I need to say. I hope I can get them out in a coherent manner. God is with me, thank you Lord.

My days are lighter and brighter. How can this be? I haven't seen my son in over 14 months. Even when I am in tears, I know this is temporary. I am just like any other parent. Peyton brought us so much joy. He was so wanted. How can I go on as if everything is good? This boy of mine, so fun, so full of life, such a positive force is gone and the world is missing his presence.

There are times I am so ready to be finished with this earthly life. When I was younger, I thought I wasn't a good Christian because I wasn't ready for Jesus to come back. My life was blessed and I liked it. Now, there are times I think I'm not a good Christian because I am ready for Jesus to come. There are so many that do not know Jesus, how can I want Him to return? How can a loving Christian think this way?

I question why this earthly life is so important. On so many levels it is not, but when our earthly bodies succomb to death, it is at that moment our time runs out to make a decision for Christ. I guess that is what makes my earthly life so important. It is my call to point people to Jesus. I used to constantly ask God, "What do You want me to do?" Now I know; I don't have one assignment. I have different assignments every day. I have to listen and hear what they are and how to accomplish them successfully. There's the Glory. It is all over us.

Father & Son are waiting for us to get the job done and come Home.

I will stay in the present.
I hear God's direction.
I am a willing, humble servant.
I will complete my assignments with joy!
I am growing and changing.
I am full of the Word
I am full of love
I'm not going to recognize myself. (I'm turning into Jesus, slowly but surely)
I don't recognize myself compared to what I was 3 months ago. Thank you Lord.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Today is his birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, today Tom is 46. We've been together 63% of his life. I think I did the math right. I love that man.
Happy Birthday Tom.

Friday, March 6, 2009

New Shoes - Updated 3-7-09

I saw today that I need new athletic shoes. I don't want new ones. The ones I am wearing have a spot of Peyton's blood on them. I waited weeks before I washed them, but I washed them. I even used Spray-N-Wash on the spot. It didn't come out and I was glad. I don't know why, I just was. Wearing them doesn't make me feel closer to him, but replacing them feels like one more step further away from him.

I miss him so much, but I know I am better. I know that I am smiling more and more. This time last year.......I don't want to even think about how hard it was. You don't think you are in shock, but you are. The shock has worn off and Peyton is not going to walk through the door telling me "Mom, I'm home!". He's not going to call me and ask, "Mom, can I .............?" I know it is permanent, not eternity permanent, just earthly permanent. I hate missing him and I want him back! This is not going to happen. There are times in my head I am screaming and throwing a tantrum, acting like a child who is not getting their way.

I am a child, a child of the Most High God.
I am covered by the Blood.
I walk in complete victory.
My Father loves me.
I have a sound mind.
satan is a liar.
I am seeing the "Big Picture".........thanks Jess
I will see Peyton again

I will overcome these emotions and I will buy new shoes.

Saturday, after work, I got these shoes!
At the end of this year, I will read these posts and I will not recognize myself. Thank you Lord.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

An Evening at the Theata'

Trying to sound sophisticated in the title.

Tom & I just got home from the Alma PAC where we enjoyed a production of "To Kill A Mockingbird". Very good stuff. It was kind of odd to hear the "N' word spoken quite a few times, but it is relavent to the story. If you haven't read the book (I have not) or seen the movie (I have several times) you should. The movie stars Gregory Peck and is very good.

By the way, we were blessed with the tickets, a free date night.