Sunday, February 12, 2012

Have you seen this??????


My mom and I went to see the movie, ExtremeIy Loud and Incredibly Close tonight.  OMGoodness!!!  It is about a boy whose dad is killed in the 9/11 Trade Center bombings.  A year after his father’s death, the boy finds a key.  He is determined to find out what the key unlocks. 

The boy is not a typical boy.  He mentions that he was tested for Asperger’s and the audience can understand why.  I went to the website “Rotten Tomatoes” and the reviews are divided.  I found myself caught up in the story and thought it a good movie.  I did cry……………..a lot.  Anyone that has had a major loss will be more sensitive to this movie than someone who hasn’t.  I may have been more comfortable watching this one at home.

God gave me a little something extra in this movie.  In my previous post, I wrote about the feelings I believe someone has that is cutting themselves or inflicting pain on themselves in some other way.  It was very difficult for me to put those words out for everyone to see.  The boy in this movie is pinching himself.  It took my breath away when they first showed him doing this.  His torso was covered in self inflicted bruises.  I believe that my seeing this movie just two days after I wrote about something so difficult was God’s way of confirming I wrote exactly what He wanted me to write.

In closing, I recommend the movie.  and God will use anything and everything to show us how much He loves us.

Thanks for reading : ) 

Friday, February 10, 2012

Laid Bare……….again.

I have revealed things  about myself on this blog that I never thought I would.  I’ve written about some very low times.  Each time I’ve written them, I thought I didn’t have any more secrets.  God has brought something else to my remembrance. I have to believe this is written in God’s perfect timing and someone reading needs to know about my thoughts during a very painful time.

Peyton had been in Heaven only a short time.  Tom and I had gone to bed and I was crying.  I was crying very deep and hard.  Through my sobs, I told Tom, “I can’t cry hard enough.  I can’t cry hard enough to rid myself of this terrible sadness.” 

Days later, maybe even weeks later, this thought came to my mind.  I’ll never forget where I was when it came.  Tom & I were pulling into the garage.  I thought, “if I could scrape my arm against the bricks of the house, I think that would release some of this anguish I am feeling.”  I couldn’t believe my own mind.  I knew this was totally unreasonable, but it didn’t shock me. 

I let that thought saturate my brain; then I knew. 

This is what someone who cuts themselves or uses some other type of self mutilation feels like.  These are the thoughts and feelings they have.  Their pain is so great, so unmanageable, so hopeless they don’t know what else to do.  Then they follow through with the thought.  I’m sure the physical pain must give some type of relief from their mental pain and torment or they wouldn’t continue to do it. 

I did not follow through with the thought so I don’t know for sure about that last statement, but it makes sense to me.  I can only imagine that the temporary relief they feel makes them want to do it again to escape. It isn’t a solution.  The pressure may ease, but it’s only temporary.

My relief came from my Heavenly Father.  He is real and He loves me so much.  He loves you too, no matter what you have done or have thought about doing.  If you are in the kind of pain I’ve talked about, please ask God to help you.  He will.   My email address is on my profile if you need it.

Thanks for reading.

ps I got out of bed to write this post.  I knew I wasn’t going to sleep until I did.  Now I am hesitant to click “publish”  I must have done it anyway or you wouldn’t be reading this now.  Thank you Lord; You lead me to do Your will.