Sunday, May 29, 2011

Empty Nest

Tom & I are very different people.  He loves the outdoors, fishing, hunting, etc.  I am an inside person, reading, cooking, tv, etc.  The things we  have in common are our relationship with God, church activities and our son.

Parenting Peyton was the focus of our lives. We share our memories of him and we share missing him.  But we can no longer share his everyday life. 

Parents adjust to “empty nest” syndrome all the time.  It is especially difficult when the empty nest doesn’t come naturally.  In the “normal” order of things, your child or children gradually pull away from you as they mature and then they go out on their own. 

I remember as Peyton was maturing and wanting more independence; it was very hard to let go.  I knew it could be a great battle between us, so I was honest with him.  I told him that he would have to be patient with me; and that it was hard for me to adjust to him growing up, but I would get there.

The time for me to “get there'” was cut short and I was suddenly thrown into living without him.  He’s not coming home for a visit.  Peyton will not bring us grandchildren. 

Tom & I have many surrogate children that bring us much joy, but I’ll be darned if they aren’t growing up and leaving too.  As it should be.  (and they better bring me some surrogate grandchildren in the not so distant distant future)  We still have our favorite little guys to play with and some other babies are already on the way. :)


Thanks for reading :)

This post did not turn out the way I started it at all.  The title was “A New Hobby”.  Tom and I have found ourselves looking for things to do together.  I have taken up a hobby that Tom has been doing for awhile.  I’ll tell you all about it in another post.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Is that Fear?

The first time I spoke to the producer of the ESPN story, I was very nervous afterward.  I wasn’t sure if this was something Tom and I should do.  Fear had a very loud voice and I was listening.  I was having trouble distinguishing if the thoughts I was having were fear or God telling me not to do it. 

I told a few people that I was nervous and was told twice, “You don’t have to do this.”  I was shocked at their words but they were right; I didn’t have to do this.  Then I knew it was fear talking to me the whole time.  I did have to do this.

There is a difference between fear and a check (uneasiness) in your spirit.  If you feel a check or STOP in your spirit, you need to stop.  If it’s fear………laugh in its face.  Don’t let fear steal a blessing.  Don’t let fear stop you from being a blessing.  I was taught, “Feel the fear and do it any way.” 

God is with us always.  He leads us to victory.

Thanks for reading :)

Monday, May 2, 2011


God is a wonderful conductor and will orchestrate things perfectly, if we let Him.

There were several links in the chain of events that put a producer from ESPN in touch with me.  We emailed a few times and spoke on the phone.  Tom and I agreed to do an interview for a story on rodeo safety.  I didn’t understand why we were doing the interview and I examined my motives carefully.  Was I doing it for notoriety? for an opportunity to talk about Peyton?  something cool to blog about?  Lots of self examination going on inside my head, but I got peace about it.  I was still nervous and my stomach turned over about three times any time I thought about it.

Last Monday the reporter, Paula and I spoke on the phone.  She wanted to introduce herself and talk a little before she came to our home on Wednesday.   She told me this would be a difficult interview for her because her 5  month old baby boy, Wyatt had gone to Heaven in December. 

Now I knew why we were doing this interview.  It was an opportunity to support a grieving mom.  God will go to great lengths to supply our every need.  I don’t want to make more of myself, because I have nothing uplifting or good outside of God.  He is my Father and is with me always.  The nervousness I had about the interview left me.  This arrangement wasn’t about the ESPN interview, it was about physical contact with a mother who misses her baby boy.  God is good, all the time.

On human terms, it was a very cool thing for us and I loved being able to talk about Peyton too :)  We had five people involved, two camera men, one sound man, a producer and the reporter.  I was interviewed for about 45 minutes; then they asked Tom some questions.  He did excellent :)  Here are a few pics of the process our home went through. 

Moving the furniture.

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Using dining room chairs for the interview. (I don’t think the deer head made it into any of the shots.)

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Sound man :)

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Putting up clothe to block the uncooperative sunlight.

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The crew testing the camera angles, sound equipment, etc.

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Camera man looking into the monitor.

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Me, Paula & Tom :)

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Everyone was really nice (and they moved the furniture back)

Thanks for reading :)

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Me & Funerals

Friday, I attended a funeral for a great man, Charles B. Dyer.  He has been the superintendent of our school system since 1968.  Mr. Dyer was a pioneer and a visionary concerning the funding of our public schools.  His funeral was large and had some very important people in attendance, such as Arkansas  Governor Mike Beebe.  A letter from former President Bill Clinton was read and other people spoke.  I did not attend this funeral because it was a big, important person’s.  I attended to show the family support.  I have been a good friend of Mr. Dyer’s son since high school. 

I confess that before Peyton’s accident, I did not think attendance of funerals was very important.  Not because I am an unfeeling person, but because I believed the family wouldn’t  know if I were there or not.  I was wrong.

When I think back on all the people that attended Peyton’s visitation and funeral, I am grateful.  I am grateful that people would put aside their own schedules and show support to hurting people.

It was several months before I was able to go to a funeral after Peyton’s.  I didn’t want to make a spectacle of myself.  I am strong enough now to go and show my support and sympathy.

If you think like I used to think, think again.  Your presence is appreciated and the families are blessed by your attendance.

Thanks for reading :)

p.s. The ESPN thing I talked about in this post……it happened Wednesday.  I will post it tomorrow :)