Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Tonight I am missing my boy. A LOT. It's one of those desperate times. I think of his face and cannot believe he is still gone. I want to look at pictures of him, but don't. I know if I do, I will want to crawl into them.
I get tired of missing him. Sometimes it is still work to focus on the good things I have instead of what I do not have. The work makes me tired.
OH MY!!! What a pitiful blog post!!! I wrote these paragraphs and one other one that was too self serving to let you see. I saved the post as a draft and then began to read old posts and comments. I've learned too much and God has shown me too much to act like this. I do have challenging times but GOD IS STILL BIGGER!! I'm going to get some sleep and be More Than a Conqueror!!
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
I. Miss. My. Son. All. The. Time.
I can do that and still live a wonderful life. I stay focused (the majority of the time) on what I do have and not on what I am missing.
Recognizing God’s love messages to me also keeps me on top.
The pictures I am posting are not the greatest quality, but they are examples of God telling me He sees me and He loves me. I took a couple of them at work and one in my car. This happens to me all the time. I’ll be feeling stressed or unsure and I will see these numbers. They make me smile because they bring up a memory of Peyton.
Anytime the clock would have these types of times, Peyton would say, “that only happens twice a day”. So typical of his sense of humor.
I love it and GOD LOVES ME!! He loves you too and will show you in the coolest ways!!
Thanks for reading
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Today our Pastor talked about building memorials. Memorials help us remember things that have happened in the past. You can look at a picture and remember the people that were there and how you felt at that moment.
We should be memorializing God and remembering all the great and good things He has done in our lives. When we look at pictures of the milestones and blessings in our lives we should remember the One who makes it all possible, the One who abundantly blesses us with every good thing.
That is what the Masterpiece is all about. It has Peyton’s initials on it, but it wasn’t built as a monument to him. It is our reminder of how far Tom and I have come since January 12, 2008. Every time I look out the window and see the pavilion standing there, I will remember how God carried us. I will remember the people He sent to love on us and pray for us. I can sit and think about God’s grace and how He showered it on us and continues to shower us with it. I could tell story after story, but I’ve already told them throughout this blog.
What benefit is there in remembering the past? It builds our faith in the plans God has for us for our future. We’ve been blessed in our past and we will be blessed in the future.
Every gathering that takes place under the pavilion will be a celebration of how much God loves us. God will be glorified and memorialized there.
I love the fact that we were able to break ground on this project on the 5th anniversary of Peyton going to Heaven. God is into details.
I hope this post encourages you to reflect on a regular basis on the things God has done in your life.
Now for some pictures of the first celebration at the pavilion!
Lots of chairs for lots of guests!!
MEMORIAL PICTURES!! My heart overflowed when the Bride asked for a picture of Peyton to be included.
Having some fun
The wedding party
Jacksons & Shepherds!!
Jacksons & Shepherds (aka The Peanuts)
I know when the bride and groom look at their pictures they will remember all the love and happiness of that day.
Thanks for reading
Saturday, May 25, 2013
The building site for the pavilion is pretty much where my blog header picture was taken.
|The dirt work was provided by a good friend for a minimal cost. |
What he charged us might have paid for his fuel.
|Digging holes for the posts. Making sure everything is level.|
|The steel posts are set!!|
|This is Burke cutting off the tops of the posts so they are|
the same height.
|The concrete was poured and STAMPED while I was at|
work so I don't have pics of that process.
It has since been stained and it looks AMAZING!
|The rafters going up. Again, the Lord provided the equipment.|
|Tom and some great helpers|
|All the rafters are up!!!|
|Putting up the ceiling|
|Lots of helpers and use of a tractor from my uncle. |
I don't know how safe this was, but it worked!
|Getting the job done|
|There it is, the FIREPLACE!|
|Holy Moly, it looks good even with only concrete blocks!|
|Progress on the rock work|
|Peyton is always on our minds.|
|Ceiling fans and lights. Burke and Tom did the wiring.|
Tom & Peanut installed the ceiling fans and lights.
We have electrical outlets too!!
|It couldn't have turned out better!|
|What it looks like from the house.|
Thank you Lord!
Now...........Let's have a PARTY!!!
On a side note - I went back and used blogger to write this post instead of LiveWriter. I had a terrible time getting pictures placed where I wanted them. I don't think it was me, so I will go back to LiveWriter. Here is a picture I couldn't leave out, but I couldn't get it where I wanted it. So forgive the inconsistency in my picture timeline of progress.
|Our property is rocky, so this machine saved lots of time and hard work.|
It was provided at NO COST by a great friend.
Thanks for reading :)
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Yesterday marked the 5 year anniversary of our son Peyton going to Heaven. 5 years. Sounds like a very long time. It is. It is a very long time to miss someone.
I think back to that first year and how fragile I felt. We live in a very small town so virtually everyone we came in contact with, knew what had happened and what we were living with. We were very well taken care of and had so much love shown to us.
The second year was more of the same. Tom and I always felt like so many people missed our son and we were all healing together, holding each other up with our prayers and support.
The third year had challenges of its own. Peyton’s class graduated from high school that year. Tom & I were included in all the activities. Being included felt good in so many ways. We celebrated Peyton’s friends’ milestones, but he was not there. Many tears were shed that year too.
The fourth year was hard. So many of the kids that were in and out of our home had gone away to college. Would they forget him? Would they forget us? No, they did not forget. Facebook kept us in touch. Even so, I believe Tom & I had to stand on our own two feet more during the fourth year, it was time. Time and time again we had been shown that Peyton was in their hearts and they carried him with them. We were so grateful to know that and it strengthened us.
The fifth year not everyone Tom & I come in contact with knows our life’s story. I am finally okay with that. Before, I couldn’t bear the thought of someone I knew, not knowing I had a wonderful son……..in Heaven. We have been mainstreamed into everyday life without any special considerations or allowances. I can do that now. If the question arises whether or not I have children, I tell them, yes, I have a son and he lives in Heaven. I cannot answer any other way.
We will miss our son until we see him again and there will always be people that miss him with us. We are grateful.
Yesterday we had a ground breaking ceremony. We are building a pavilion in our backyard, a place where we can gather with our friends and celebrate life and tell a Peyton story from time to time . We thought breaking ground on the 5th anniversary would be a perfect thing to do. I will be posting about the construction and the special event that will be taking place under it in May.
Thanks for reading : )
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Yesterday I participated in something TOTALLY out of my comfort zone. I ran in a 5K. I wasn’t running the whole time, just in spurts, catch my breath and then run some more. It took me 45 minutes, but I FINISHED.
In my last post, I told about a workout program I was doing. I’m still doing it!!! I’ve lost 53 lbs. I have a long way before I reach my goal weight, but I am on my way!!! December is “maintenance month”. Not gaining any holiday pounds is my goal.
I’ve thought a lot about why I started this fitness journey and how I am able to continue. The daughter of a lady I work with was doing the program and I had heard her mom talking about it. I went to the website and found out when sign ups were. I remember driving over to sign up. I was so nervous!!! I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
I do know that God’s grace has carried me through this experience. He led me to this program and has been with me every step, every lunge, every frog jump and every heaving breath. He knows how many drops of sweat have poured out of my body. He loves me so much and I am grateful. Gratitude gets me out of bed at 4:30, 5 days a week. I am grateful for God’s love. He is concerned with my well being and my health. If He is speaking to you about this area of your life…………..LISTEN AND OBEY. You won’t regret it.
The 5K was called the Reindeer Dash, so we dressed up.
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. The holidays are easier for us, even though we miss Peyton. The emotion of missing him gets magnified somewhat during this time of the year. His birthday is in October, then we go through Thanksgiving and Christmas and then the anniversary date is in January. A friend of mine posted this picture on my Facebook wall a couple of days ago.
The girl in the bottom right hand corner of this brochure has a PDJ Baseball tournament T-shirt on. Some people may count this as coincidence, but I don’t. God is telling me, He sees me, He sees my tears and He cares.
I am looking forward to our Heavenly reunion.
Thanks for reading! : )
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Three weeks ago I started a new lifestyle, a lifestyle of healthy eating and (holy moly!!) EXERCISE.
The facts of the exercise – group setting, five days a week, women of varying fitness levels, weights and ages pushing ourselves to the max and encouraging each other every step of the way.
The first two weeks were rough to say the least. I obsessed over going to class ALL DAY LONG. I was fearful every time I walked in the door. I did not understand why I kept subjecting myself to this mental torture and physical pain and exhaustion. I had to miss a Thursday & Friday class because of injury. I took those two days and the weekend to get a hold of myself mentally. Monday evening I prayed all the way to class. I survived it. The following Thursday, fear came over me again. I struggled with going into class, but I did it. After class a woman delivered a gift to me from another lady that was on vacation and hadn’t come to class. This lady was worried about me. Here is a picture of what she gave me.
It’s a key chain with the name of the workout program on it. But it is more. She attached a keychain that Tom & I had made to raise money for the PDJ Memorial Scholarship fund. Here is a close up of that keychain.
“I ain’t skeered”, something Peyton would say . That boy was fearless.
I got into my car after the workout and cried and cried and cried. How dare I let fear keep me from doing what I knew I should be doing. I could go into the reasons I was afraid – getting out of my comfort zone, doing something I was HORRIBLE at, etc, etc, etc. I don’t want to write about that; I want to write of God’s goodness and faithfulness because that is what matters.
When I went to read my devotional that night, this was at the top of the page.
God has never left me. He loves me and He wants me to know that He loves me. This time He showed me through key chains and a devotional.
He loves you too and will show you in ways that will amaze you!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for reading : )