As Promised – Festive and Joyous

Tom & I worked diligently and got the house decorated for Christmas the weekend after Thanksgiving.  I took some pics and made some slide shows.  I hope you enjoy them!

This first slide show is the dining room.

Christmas in the Kitchen!!

This is a slideshow of the big tree in the living room.  There are lots of special ornaments on it, especially the tree topper.  If you roll over the picture it will give you the title and stop the slides, if you want to look at it slower.

This is a new addition.  This is the tree we put in the bedroom.  I had to think about it for awhile whether I was going to do it or not.  I thought maybe it was going too far.  I don’t think so.  I hope you like it. 

My plan is to CELEBRATE the holidays.  I have to.  God gave us the Greatest Gift of All.  This Gift is the reason I KNOW I will be reunited with my son.   Putting together posts like this and decorating a Christmas tree with Peyton’s pictures on it, make me FEEL like a mom.  I am acknowledging my son’s life and it feels good.  I know I am always his mom, but he doesn’t need me and that makes it hard to feel like a mom.  Thanks for reading.  I hope you liked the pictures!!!

P.S.  This post was incredibly easy to do.  I used slide.com (thanks Trish) and Live Writer.  I may have gone a little overboard on using 3 different styles of slide shows…….but I wanted to try them all!!!  I spent a lot more time last year on a Christmas post using Blogger.  Importing and then dragging the pictures where you wanted them was a pain. 

Merry Christmas!!!!!!!

(You’re the first person I’ve said that to this year!)

Thanksgiving the Second Time Around

This Thanksgiving has been better than last year.  This is our second one without Peyton.  I want to feel that it is a good thing.  My mind and intellect know it is; my heart is what is having the problem.  My mind knows I have to live life and be productive, focus on others and make a difference for Christ and that I will see Peyton again.  My heart asks me HOW CAN I EAT TURKEY, MAKE DESSERTS AND DECORATE FOR CHRISTMAS, when I will not see my son again on this earth!!! 

People are talking about him less and less, which means I am talking about him less and less too.  I hate the ordinariness and normalness of our lives.  I know we can’t live in constant turmoil about our loss, but the hurt lets you know that you haven’t forgotten.  Again, I know in my head I will NEVER NEVER forget him and others won’t either, but it is hard when I realize we are all going on with our normal day to day lives.

This is another adjustment I have to make.  Am I going to accept the passage of time and healing with grace and victory?  Or am I going to draw back and wallow in the grief, because it makes me feel loyal to my son? 

I know what to do.  I know what choice to make. 

I promise a more joyous and festive post for tomorrow.

Christmas is Coming

I know.  It’s a little early but……… I’m posting it anyway.

One of my favorite things to watch at Christmas.  (Enjoy PK)

Last year at this time, I wanted to post this video and couldn’t figure out how to do it.  I’ve definitely improved.

My mom bought me this Charlie Brown tree this year to add to my decorations.  Too cute.  It even has a Linus blanket around it.

Mad Skillz

I have blogged about my husband several times.  I’ve shown several sides of him. 

Saddle skillz

Pig roast pit digging skillz,

Bible superhero skillz,

Handy man skillz

(Yes, I like the Z; it’s how we roll.)

Now I am going to show you his mad skillz.  Tom is a machinist by trade and can weld like nobody’s business.  Metal is a medium he is very comfortable with.  So here they are, his mad skillz.

He has been making knives since he was in high school, many moons ago.  He had the sheath made by somebody Peyton had met through rodeo.  This particular one happens to be a gift for……..Mr. Peanut.  Get it?

Over the years, Tom has supplemented our income by making and selling these handcrafted, shiny, deer slicing, pieces of art.  Several years I bought every Christmas present we gave with “knife money”.  God is good and He’s anointed my husband to make knives.  Our financial condition has improved significantly over the years, but Tom still enjoys making knives.  Several of the boys have them and we gave Peyton’s to a good friend of his.  It is so good to give Peyton’s things to people we know will use them and respect them and think of Peyton every time.

After the “Verseman” post the other day, I had to write something more macho about my husband.  He is a good sport and I love every skilled side of him.  He is a complete person, nothing missing, nothing broken, an anointed man of God.

Thank you Lord for my husband.

Verseman!!

I'm having a difficult time today and needed to smile. I thought I would post something humorous. I hope Tom thinks it is humorous too!

I know I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating. My husband is awesome and he has always been awesome. The picture below proves it. It was taken several years ago when he was helping out with a Kid's Crusade at our church. He was "Verseman". He would come out and teach the kids the memory verse for that night. He is wearing a black full body unitard with smiley face boxers over it, a cape, and a huge V on his chest. In case you don't recognize the little red haired boy; it's Peyton.

Peyton's Plan - Peyton Story #5

A couple of weeks ago I was cleaning out my closet and ran across this. It must have been done somewhere around 3rd grade. It is a plan to "ambush" some girls on the playground. (Click on the picture to enlarge it). I wanted to cry this morning thinking about this picture and the fact that I have nothing current to share, only the past. But I won't cry (too much), I will smile and remember Peyton and his devious grin and his quick mind. I love you Peyton Jackson.

A New Battle

I haven’t written about missing Peyton as often as I used to.  I still miss him all the time.  The hard times are fewer and further between, but I have my moments.  I don’t write about it as much because there is nothing new to say about it.

In the beginning, I told myself over and over and over that Peyton was in Heaven and I would not see him again on this earth.  I felt if I told myself enough times, it would seem real.  The fact would soak into my brain and I would get used to it.  I live with it every day and there are still times it is unbelievable.

There is no longer a voice screaming in my head that I want him back.  There is a voice, but it isn’t screaming.  The weight that was on my chest isn’t there anymore.  I don’t know if it lifted all at once or if it got lighter and lighter until it wasn’t there. 

For so long my main focus was getting through each hour, each day, each week without losing my mind.  The battle has changed.  I keep wondering and thinking about what would Peyton  be doing if he were here.  How would things be different? 

This is not where my focus should be.  It is not living, wondering what if or if only.  It sneaks up on you at first.  I see Peyton’s friends living their lives and I think, What would Peyton be doing/saying etc.

When I catch myself doing this, I turn it around.  Instead of thinking about what he ISN’T doing on this earth, I think, “What IS PEYTON DOING IN HEAVEN?  What assignments has God given him?  I believe Heaven to be a very productive place.  Who has he met?  What was the reunion like between Peyton and his grandpa?  They had been separated for 13 years.  They are very close.  (did you notice I said are very close?)  I never imagined that Peyton would see him before we did.

I am looking forward to the future and seeing my boy again, but until then I will remember Peyton with joy.  I confessed and believed that for so long.  I had forgotten it until just now.  His memories do bring me joy, I want the thought of the present to bring me joy too.  I’ve slacked off writing “lists” so here goes.

My present is

filled with people who love me.

important and productive.

filled with opportunities to bless others.

a time for growth and strengthening myself.

victorious.

glorious.

bringing me closer to my future.