Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Blood from a Turnip

I start to post and then I stop.  My thoughts don’t seem worth writing.  I am having the same battles I’ve written about before.  I miss Peyton and I want him on earth with us.  Our lives are good, but I know they would be better if he were here.  I usually come to a small resolution by the time I finish typing my posts, but I don’t feel this is going to happen, so I don’t post. 

I don’t want to hash over the same stuff.  The everydayness (I’m sure that’s not a word, but it fits) of my feelings is boring.  They are heartbreaking, but boring.  I am tired of this battle.  I want it all worked through and figured out.  Maybe that is why it seems so hard.  It is not a sprint; not something that can be resolved in a matter of months.  Life is for the long haul.  Dealing with grief is for the long haul

Isaiah 40:31

31 but those who hope in the LORD
       will renew their strength.
       They will soar on wings like eagles;
       they will run and not grow weary,
       they will walk and not be faint.

My Hope is in the Lord.  The fact that I will be reunited with Peyton makes the loss bearable.  I still don’t like it, but I will live with it and I will encourage others. 

God is good and He loves us.  satan is a liar and he loses, ‘nuf said.

I read over this post and I don’t care for that sentence “makes the loss bearable”.  I don’t want to bear the loss.  I want to carry the good memories and look toward our Heavenly future.  You see, God is guiding me and teaching me about using HIS strength and HIS power, I won’t have to carry anything; He will.  If I let Him.

I titled this post the way I did, because I didn’t think I had a post in me, but He did!



seeking him... said...

I have missed you! So glad that you posted... you always write words that encourage me... and remind me of how good God is.
Know that in the silence you have been prayed for!

Kay said...

I've been thinking of you, even if you haven't posted. : ) Yes, grief is one strange deal, isn't it?! It really can be a long haul kind of thing. I'm glad He had a post in ya. :)

Kelley said...

I am thinking about you! Grief is such a difficult thing. I don't know if one ever gets over death. We just learn to live around it. At least that is what I do about my brother. I miss him and it hurts that he won't meet my Madelyn on this Earth.

MarshaMarshaMarsha said...

Oh Becky! You took my exact feelings and put them into words. I have been like this as well. The other night I sobbed until 2AM because I just couldn't stop. All I could do was weep with all my being and cry out to God to just please help me.

It is tiring to feel this weight and grief every single day. To fight and choose and focus on the things that are right and good.

One day we will have true rest and peace! And that day will be even sweeter for these trials we are going through right now.

I am praying for you right now.