Sunday, November 29, 2009

Thanksgiving the Second Time Around

This Thanksgiving has been better than last year.  This is our second one without Peyton.  I want to feel that it is a good thing.  My mind and intellect know it is; my heart is what is having the problem.  My mind knows I have to live life and be productive, focus on others and make a difference for Christ and that I will see Peyton again.  My heart asks me HOW CAN I EAT TURKEY, MAKE DESSERTS AND DECORATE FOR CHRISTMAS, when I will not see my son again on this earth!!! 

People are talking about him less and less, which means I am talking about him less and less too.  I hate the ordinariness and normalness of our lives.  I know we can’t live in constant turmoil about our loss, but the hurt lets you know that you haven’t forgotten.  Again, I know in my head I will NEVER NEVER forget him and others won’t either, but it is hard when I realize we are all going on with our normal day to day lives.

This is another adjustment I have to make.  Am I going to accept the passage of time and healing with grace and victory?  Or am I going to draw back and wallow in the grief, because it makes me feel loyal to my son? 

I know what to do.  I know what choice to make. 

I promise a more joyous and festive post for tomorrow.


Kay said...

I think this is a choice that everyone that's experienced a loss has to make. And it's a difficult one to come to terms with. I know it's hard.. hang in there, friend!

Kelley said...

I completely understand your feelings. It is so normal for you to feel this way. The holidays without our loved ones is so tough. That is the time of year everyone gets together. It makes it hard when the person you love the most isn't there. I will be praying for you and thinking about you. I know it isn't easy. We are sure missing Blake right now. Thanksgiving was his favorite holiday. He lurved my Mom's dressing. We couldn't bring ourselves to make it this year.

Landon Parker said...

Making the right choices over and over again can lead to nowhere but VICTORY!