Friday, March 18, 2011

The Accident of 2003

I started working for my present employer the first part of September in 2003.  At the end of my fourth week, while making a delivery to a client, I was involved in a car accident.

An elderly gentleman crossed over into my lane of traffic and hit me head on.  I saw him coming and hit my brakes, hard.  When I came to a stop, I looked down at my foot and thought it was too far to the left compared to the alignment of my knee.  Both bones in my lower right leg were broken.  

A woman I work with came to the hospital.  I couldn’t say anything to her, but I knew she was there and could hear her prayers.  When Tom & Peyton got there, Peyton was crying.  He was almost twelve years old and  he didn’t like seeing his mom like that.  

I was thinking about all of this today and missing that little twelve year old boy.

After the accident or before the accident?  That is how I used to remember when things happened.  A difficult time that I would never forget, helped me to keep things on a timeline.  It felt odd to me to do this, but the accident was a major moment in my life.  That car accident is no longer the “accident” that I ask myself about anymore.  Now the question is, “was it before Peyton went to Heaven or after?”

I’m looking for a good event to be my point of reference.  I don’t believe there is one big enough to overshadow the one I use now.  I miss this kid so much.

peyt & hat ornament

Thanks for reading :)


Kelley said...

He is so cute! For some reason I have been missing Blake a lot too lately. It has really bothered me. I will be praying for you!

Kay said...

I always love seeing pix of your Peyton! : )

I do the same thing with marking time. Before we married. Before we had kids. Before he got sick. After he died. After I broke my foot. (I have several, but yes, losing a child is the biggest marker of them all).

Jennifer said...

What is it about little red-headed boys that just melt your heart??! What a cutie -

I could post pictures of my "carrot-top" all day long!:)

MarshaMarshaMarsha said...

Oh my word, Peyton is SO ADORABLE!!! My dear friend Dixie has a red headed little baby (she is 47!) and I can't help but think of Peyton when I hold him. :)

Timeline. Let me know if you find a big happy reference point. I think it is impossible to make it any other date than when Christian passed away. Even that first year without him is a point of mourning. While I am thankful for God's grace and how much closer to God I was during that year, I mourn that year of not being all the way present for Austin and Noah. We did special things together and I didn't take for granted their presence (they slept in our room for months and we loved every second of it!), but I don't remember any of their milestones from that year.

I suppose it doesn't really matter though. What we have learned and journeyed through together as a family is a life lesson that many do not experience. It's value is beyond measure-- if we keep our focus on the Cross!