Saturday, March 28, 2009

Desperate Feelings

The tournament did not happen today........too cold and wet. Hopefully they are going to pull off a one day tourney tomorrow.

I don't know if it is because of the tournament, but I have been having those "desperate feelings". I know Peyton is gone, but there are times when I am so desperate to find him. I am desperate to do something to change what has happened and I can't. It's as if I am waiting for our life to get back to the way it was; then it sinks in again that it is never going to be the same. It's an awful feeling.

I am not ruled by my feelings.

Satan would have me wallow in the past. Flipping through the channels I came across a cartoon we would watch together, then I started thinking about other things we watched together. These thoughts do me no good. Those thoughts focus on the loss. My focus must be on the present, the here and now and the many blessings our lives are saturated with. .......I like that "saturated with blessings". Thank you Lord. I have lots of good memories of Peyton and our life with him. It's okay to remember the good times, but I musn't dwell on the loss and what I do not have. I can see his smiling face and most of the time that makes me smile.

I have tons of Peyton stories and I plan on posting them from time to time. I hope they bring a smile to your face too. I have plans to post about all the blessings that have come into our lives since Peyton has been gone also. There are lots.


ps said...

I love your fighting spirit Becky. If you don't quit you win. You are doing an amazing job of living life and we are so glad you are. We need you!!!!

Susie (So Blessed) said...

Bless you for your faithfulness as you continue this grief walk of redemption and restoration. You have a wonderful testimony of keeping your eyes on your Helper.

With my prayers.