Wednesday, March 18, 2009

My Assignment

My head is so full of things I want to say, things I need to say. I hope I can get them out in a coherent manner. God is with me, thank you Lord.

My days are lighter and brighter. How can this be? I haven't seen my son in over 14 months. Even when I am in tears, I know this is temporary. I am just like any other parent. Peyton brought us so much joy. He was so wanted. How can I go on as if everything is good? This boy of mine, so fun, so full of life, such a positive force is gone and the world is missing his presence.

There are times I am so ready to be finished with this earthly life. When I was younger, I thought I wasn't a good Christian because I wasn't ready for Jesus to come back. My life was blessed and I liked it. Now, there are times I think I'm not a good Christian because I am ready for Jesus to come. There are so many that do not know Jesus, how can I want Him to return? How can a loving Christian think this way?

I question why this earthly life is so important. On so many levels it is not, but when our earthly bodies succomb to death, it is at that moment our time runs out to make a decision for Christ. I guess that is what makes my earthly life so important. It is my call to point people to Jesus. I used to constantly ask God, "What do You want me to do?" Now I know; I don't have one assignment. I have different assignments every day. I have to listen and hear what they are and how to accomplish them successfully. There's the Glory. It is all over us.

Father & Son are waiting for us to get the job done and come Home.

I will stay in the present.
I hear God's direction.
I am a willing, humble servant.
I will complete my assignments with joy!
I am growing and changing.
I am full of the Word
I am full of love
I'm not going to recognize myself. (I'm turning into Jesus, slowly but surely)
I don't recognize myself compared to what I was 3 months ago. Thank you Lord.


Jessica said...

Good post! It's so inspiring...your posts are always inspiring to me! Thanks!!

Staci said...

I think most of us go through some of the same things in our mind, although certainly not in the same area that you have gone through. But I know one thing, what Mona said last night about those things that the devil will shove up our nose or under our fingernails or whatever, was true. I've seen it over and over in my own life (which would suggest that I am still nailing some things down) with things that have left me feeling less than adequate to run my race. When that little worm sees that it is a point that could potentially destroy us, he won't let up. We can't even think his cruddy junk for a minute. I know we don't struggle in the same areas, but we go through the same things. The great thing is, we are all learning to use the Word in the face of the enemy! And we will overcome!!!!!!!!!!

I am with Jess - you're posts are inspiring!

Kim said...

You have no idea who I am (my name is Kim). I live in Michigan and am getting ready to move to Ft. Smith, Arkansas in June to be with my husband.
Anyways, I linked your blog from another - I can't even remember where - but please know that you have endured more than I hope I ever have to. That is my greatest fear to have something happen to one of my children. You have handled all this with so much grace. I find your walk with the Lord amazing and it inspires me to motivate myself much more to be a better Christian and get myself where I need to be.
I just wanted to come out of "lurking mode" and say hello and thank you again for your beautiful words!

Mona said...

Becky, waaaaaaaaay cool! And great post.

Theresa Brewer said...

What a beautiful, calm strength and grace you have Becky. God Bless you!