Thursday, May 13, 2010

Where is My Escape?

Our church began a fast this week.  It is a personal thing, seeking God and asking what He would have us give up.  Mine & Tom’s eating habits have been drastically restricted and we’ve allowed ourselves one television show a week…………. not a day, a week. 

We fasted like this before back in January (not the television part).  In January, I was very excited about it.  It truly revolutionized my feelings about food.  I have been delivered from food ruling my life.  I get on the scales occasionally.  I have lost around 25 lbs since the first fast.  The number is not what is important.  It is the freedom from the bondage food had over my life.  God is good, all the time.

This time around, it is a different story.  My flesh is screaming!!!!  My mind is telling me, “if you’re delivered from food addiction, you should be able to eat whatever you want”.  Shut-up flesh.  You’ll eat fruits and vegetables like you’re told.  I am a triune being.  I am a spirit that has a soul and I live in a body.  My body will not rule me.

I really, really, really want to watch television.  God revealed to me today, why I want to watch television so much (one of the reasons anyway).  Television is an escape.  If I’m watching, I don’t have to deal with issues in my life.  I am distracted and can act like everything is ok.  I can feel like I am ok. 

This afternoon, Tom & I will be going to the school to present some students with the Peyton Jackson Memorial Scholarship.  I thought I was fine with it, but I’m not.  I’ve been grouchy to my husband last night and this morning (grief takes many forms).  I kept thinking how I wanted to turn on the TV.  Then God let me know this is why I won’t be watching TV.  He’s not going to let me escape.  I will run to my Father and confront all these feelings.  I will pray that He will carry me through the assembly.  I will ask Him to satisfy my soul with good things, so I will not dwell on what I am missing.  I love these kids that are getting the scholarships and I want to enjoy their moment……..I think I’ve written about that before.

So excuse me, I’ve got some praying to do.


Cortney Parker said...

Beck I have that same issue with TV!! It's so easy for me to escape the emotions that I have felt for so long and focus on something useless. I have learned that too. I have to face my issues and fight my flesh! Congrats on the 25lbs! That is awesome!! Been working out every morning at 6 so maybe I can shed my 25!! Love you!

seeking him... said...

I will be praying for you & Tom today. And that you both will be filled with God's peace & joy. Keep standing in His promises!

MarshaMarshaMarsha said...

I am praying for you and Tom right now!!!

I know all too well what you mean by seeking escape. We have watched much TV, many movies, eaten lots and spent too much time on the computer.

I need to focus on being present.

Kelley said...

I will be praying for you! I found the 24 you lost! :-)

Jennifer said...

Praying it is a special time for you as well those receiving the awards.

I would love to be free from the bondage of food - never really thought of it like that but that is exactly what it is.

Praying that God shows Himself mighty in many ways as you go through this fast. Neat how your whole church is doing it together -

Jessica said...

My gosh, this time of fasting has been ALOT tougher too! I thought it would be easier, but I was WRONG! :) Oh well, my flesh is sufferering and that's good!

Mona said...

You're an inspiration!

sanjeet said...

I am praying for you and Tom right now!!!
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Empty Nest Full Life said...

Those were timely words for me. I need to think more and do some examination in this area of my life. Jackie