Wednesday, January 11, 2012

4 years

January 12, 2012 – Peyton has been in Heaven for 4 years.

What can I write about what we’ve been through the last 4 years that you haven’t read from me before?  I’m having a difficult time thinking of something to write so I’ll do my usual.  I’ll tell you what has been on my mind, the ugly stuff and the glorious stuff.

I miss Peyton.  I love him as much as I always have even though I haven’t talked to him in what seems like forever.  Sometimes I think about what we are missing because he is not here.  I want to know what he would be like today. I want to know what he would have accomplished. Tears still come.  Sometimes I feel awful and can’t believe this is my life.  When I hear people planning for the future, say 10 years down the road, I don’t like it.  I don’t want to think about being on this earth and missing Peyton for 10 more years.  I HATE that there will come a day when Peyton has been in Heaven longer than he was on earth with me. 

Even though these thoughts are with me, I do not dwell on them.  Agonizing over what I do not have is not what God wants for my life.  I know God has plans and blessing for me.  He has never left me and has blessed me abundantly already.  God loves me, that is why I have been able to function EVERY DAY, since Peyton has been gone.  God has equipped and provided me with EVERYTHING  I have needed, not to  just survive these days, but to find JOY.  Working through grief is HARD WORK, but with God all things are possible.  I am a work in progress. 

I know I will be reunited with my son, FOR ETERNITY, never to be separated again.

I have to post some pics of my boy.

Cowboy PeytonCreek SittinLickin

Shavin Cream

Thanks for reading : )

4 comments:

MarshaMarshaMarsha said...

Your heart words are the same as mine. And I never tire of seeing pictures of Peyton!

Love you. Praying for you. Thankful for you.

Dana said...

I know what you mean regarding when they will have been in Heaven longer than here. My son was only 21 months when he died so we are going to cross that milestone this year.

Praying for you.

Kay said...

It didn't take us very long to get to that place where he's been in heaven longer than he was with us. It was a very odd feeling. I love the pictures too. Sweet. : )

Kelley said...

I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I am praying for you! You are such an inspiration to me! Thank you for all of your words of encouragement! I love your pictures of Peyton!