Monday, May 18, 2009


Last week, work was crazy busy. People taking off for vacations and a deadline, a small one, but important stuff had to be done. Wednesday and Thurs were really hard. I was getting so emotional.

I usually try to identify where it is coming from, tiredness, hormones (blah, I hate admitting that one), significant dates, or just missing Peyton so much. I had a hard time putting my finger on it this time. I was wondering was it being tired from my job, or was I stressed at my job because of the sadness?

I think the source was..............change.

It was graduation this weekend and summer is on its way. Even when I am not conscious of it, change triggers the sadness. Changes that have been happening every year at the same time year after year...... the seasons...... school ending....... school beginning......... hunting season, come with expectations. We loved watching Peyton experience these changes and growing through them all. It is different now.

Our lives have changed. These seasons and changes don't have the same significance to us they once did. That is the biggest change of all.

Every summer I have had the luxury of cutting back my work week to four days. When I made this request at my present job, I remember telling the H/R partner that I wanted to be home with my son because he was growing up so fast and would be gone soon. Last summer I did continue this and cut back to 4 days, mostly because I needed the rest. This year I'm not sure what I will do.

Tom & I are adjusting our lives. We are living in the here and now. We have to learn what our new expectations should be. I know God does not want us to lower them. He wants us to expect, receive and do something different. God is good all the time.

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