Saturday, May 23, 2009

Sowing seed for the Future

I usuall title my posts before I start writing. Sometimes I have to change it when I am
finished. This is one of those times. God is amazing. If you let Him, He will speak through you and your own words will comfort you.
We had a great time last night, lots of company over for my birthday, mostly teenagers (love them). After they all left and Tom and I were alone, I was telling him how much I hated not having NEW stories about Peyton. We are all living and moving on without him and I hate it. I am not overwhelmed by it, but it makes me angry sometimes.
This sounds terrible but sometimes it feels like he never existed. There is a huge empty space where he is supposed to be. This boy was the focus of my life for 16 years and I miss him so much. The memories are not enough; I want a future with him in it, with his children in it; but this is not to be.
Tom and I are seed sowers. We will continue to sow into the lives of the kids we do have and expect blessings. I am not trying to replace Peyton with them. They are so unique and each hold special places in our hearts. We love them and know we would not have the same kind of relationships with them if Peyton were here.
Father God, send them to us and we will love them like You love them. I want to glorify you with my life and I am expecting an abundant harvest from every seed sown. I confess that I am "Heaven minded". I try to imagine what glorious things You have in store for us in Heaven but my mind cannot comprehend. I have no doubt Peyton is with You and will be there to greet us all when we arrive. I know Peyton has no lack, but it makes me feel better to ask; love on him for me today. It's the only thing I can do for him.

1 comment:

Kay said...

Hey.. thanks for the comment on my blog today.. it's nice to meet you. And I'm so sorry for your loss!

I think I even recognized myself in one of your other posts about the prescription bottle. : )

Hugs and prayers to you, my new friend!