I have given away many of Peyton’s things. I took pictures of anything that was important to Tom & I and for the most part let them go. I did keep a particular jacket.
Peyton and I went shopping together for him a new jacket right before his last Christmas with us. This is what he picked out.
As we were looking through the racks, he said, “ I need to find one that looks good with my hat.” He was talking about his cowboy hat. I think he found the right one.
The girl in the picture is my cousin’s daughter from California.
It was very cold the day of his funeral. I carried this jacket and put it around my legs during the graveside service.
As the anniversary date rolls around again, I am having to fight the emotions more often. I tell myself it is just a date on the calendar, but it is more. The smells, wood burning in the stove, the winter meals I cook, etc. make it feel like I have stepped back in time 2 yrs. We basically do the same things year after year and we replay the same routines only Peyton is not here to fill his role. The last memories are so strong, I sometimes wonder when he is coming home.
I don’t have words for myself that will resolve these feelings. I do know that God is always with me and will never leave me. I will see Peyton again.
I know that the coming year holds new and exciting challenges for Tom and I. We will embrace them and fulfill the call God has on our lives. I am excited about what He would have us do.
5 comments:
oh Becky, thank you for sharing your heart with us. My heart hurts for you & Tom.
You are so right in the truth that God is always with you... in the sunshine & in the rain. May His joy help you carry your sorrow today.
God won't leave you. The lyrics to a song I really like state, when everything fell the promise was we would be held. The Lord is holding you tight Becky. I think it is a okay to feel these emotions. It is all apart of the grieving process. It feels good to recall memories. It makes the one you love feel more present, if that makes sense. We talk about Blake a lot. It feels like he is there when we do that.
Can I please have a copy of that pic of Peyton and the cousin?
I think everyone feels God's presence in different ways Becky. As I read Kelley's comment "The Lord is holding you tight," I'm reminded that I feel God's presence just like this when I'm seeking comfort from him. In praying for comfort it is almost as if he immediately and literally wraps his loving arms around me and for a while, the strength of his love wards off hurt. I feel a warmth and cozy relief. I'm praying this falls over you today Becky.
i am excited to see what God has for you too, becky!
everything is the same yet very different. routine. smells. sounds. but this is all temporary.
what a great pic of peyton and... his second cousin? ack. i am not very good with the whole second cousin twice removed on my father's uncle's side kind of thing. :)
love,
marsha
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