I’ve been experiencing some difficult emotional times. This time of year is especially hard. On top of missing Peyton, I have some really big projects to finish at work before the end of the year and it’s Christmas and I’ve allowed these things to stress me out.
I’ve been very agitated. Co-workers will ask me questions and I will smile and answer. The whole time I am speaking, I wonder, “Who’s voice is coming out of my mouth?” Why are these people so stupid?” What can I say so they will leave me alone?” Other times, I will give scathing looks and they probably know what I am thinking. After losing control, I’ve cried and told myself I am a failure. I know who this is
Rev 12:10
And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.
Even the times when my words don’t match my negative thoughts, I know I am wrong. It is not my co-workers (or the checker at Wal-Mart) that need to change, it is me.
Thinking these things over has brought me revelation. I cannot will myself out of grief. My flesh cannot control my flesh. Only my spirit can control my flesh. I must strengthen my inner man with the Word of God. Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world.
I John 4:4
Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world
This next scripture is from the Message bible. I've started reading this translation along with NIV and I really like it.
Rom 13:11-14
But make sure that you don't get so absorbed and exhausted in taking care of all your day-by-day obligations that you lose track of the time and doze off, oblivious to God. The night is about over, dawn is about to break. Be up and awake to what God is doing! God is putting the finishing touches on the salvation work he began when we first believed. We can't afford to waste a minute, must not squander these precious daylight hours in frivolity and indulgence, in sleeping around and dissipation, in bickering and grabbing everything in sight. Get out of bed and get dressed! Don't loiter and linger, waiting until the very last minute. Dress yourselves in Christ, and be up and about!
Dressing myself in Christ is not a physical act nor is it “making up my mind” to do it. Deciding may be the first step, but it cannot be accomplished in my own strength. Using the Word and relying on the Greater One inside me, is the only way I am going to be More than a Conqueror.
I don’t usually post so much, but I needed it to organize my thoughts about the turmoil going on inside me. Typing on this blog clarifies things for me. I want to confess things and expose them and rid myself of them.
p.s. I love my co-workers, they are a huge blessing to me and a constant source of love and support.
9 comments:
Becky,
I love your heart! God is working in & through you. The words you write speak to me & remind me that I need God's Word in me... working through me too. For in my own strengh I am weak & unable. I wear a t-shirt that is a good reminder for me... it says 'satan is a stinkin' liar'. He is & God knows it too! Praying for you & Tom.
Thanks for sharing!
This time of year is so difficult. It is really emotionally for me too. I am praying for you and your husband. I know you love your co workers and they know it too.
This time of year *is* very hard. And every commercial and sappy Christmas card is out there to unknowingly highlight every hurt we have sometimes. (hello simplistic 'perfect story book ending' Lifetime movie)
It is so true that you can't will yourself not to grieve. But also, sometimes it just happens and there is a bad day. It doesn't make you a failure or a bad person, just a human with a human hurt. But yes, His spirit living in us is THE thing that can overcome. We will never be able to do that on our own.
Sometimes I think how I respond and 'where do I go now' is a big key for me when I have those 'in a funk' times too.
Isn't it good to know that God will complete the work that He has begun in us? Have a blessed Christmas! Jackie
That was a GOOD word. And might I say, you organize and write your thoughts very well which makes your blog very easy to read! I like it!
great post. and a really great topic too. its a constant daily battle, spirit over flesh. but i'm so glad we can recognize it and not just blame it on our personality like so many people do that dont know the truth.
GRRRRRRRREAT POST! Loving and mourning the loss of your beloved son is what you do as a mother. But the devil harrassing you with a spirit of grief is a totally different thing. You go girl, you are onto him and his stinking tactics! Run that filthy lying devil out of town! Staying rested and watchful to the ways of your enemy is another wise plan that you have realized! You have titled your blog well, my sister in the Lord, for you ARE more than a conquerer in Him who loves you and Loves you and LOVES YOU!
Really good post, Becky! And a very good Word. May it bring freedom to others who read it!
(((hugs)))
I am right with you!
Thanks for the reminder-- greater is He that is in me than anything else in the whole wide world! He is greater than my grief and greater than anything I can dream of. And I trust Him.
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