Just Mention His Name

I’m rockin’ some purple streaks in my hair.  This is a pic taken at Christmas with my sweet cousin Christine.

I’ve been asked, “Why?”

Why not? 

I’ve had the urge for some unnatural hair color for several years.  Originally I wanted pink, but that was when I was blonde.  I thought purple fit better with the brown hair. 

I did ask permission from my employer before I did it.  They were cool with it. :)

I got a call from one of the partners where I work.  He asked me why I had purple hair.  I laughed and told him I thought it would be fun.  I could tell he was smiling, not laughing, but smiling when he said, “Peyton would be embarrassed.”  I said, “I KNOW!!!  I went to the high school basketball games the other night and all the kids loved it, but it’s different when it’s your own parent.”

I said all that to say this.  I love that he mentioned Peyton.  He had met Peyton a couple of times and he has watched me miss him the past 3 years.  I am blessed to be surrounded by people who are not afraid to bring up Peyton’s name.

If you know someone who is missing a child, spouse, loved one or friend, do not be afraid to talk about them.  It is a blessing to hear their name, even if it brings tears.  Be brave and cry with them if that’s what happens.  There’s nothing better than knowing you are not alone.

Thanks for reading :)

What’s it Like, 3 Christmas's Without Peyton?

I was asked a week or so ago how I was doing, dealing with the holidays.  I said, I was doing really well.  She then said, “I suppose there are triggers that blindside you?” 

Not really.  I have my moments when the wanting is so great I can’t stand it.  I have times I want to throw something, hit something, and kick my feet because I want so much for things to be different.  I want my boy here with me; but these emotions don’t come as a surprise.  I’ve experienced them all before, sometimes like a tidal wave.  I still stand because God is holding me up.  Friends’ prayers have wrapped me in a blanket of strength.

I don’t know how I live with Peyton being gone, except for God’s grace.  I am discovering more and more about the grace of God.  It’s always there.  It never fails me.  I only have to recognize it and use it.  Lean on it. 

“His grace is sufficient” – I know this is in the bible, but I used to think it cliche’.  I thought it was an excuse for being weak.  It is truth.  It is life.  It is how I’ve survived these past (almost 3) years.

How does a person tap into God’s grace?  Speak it.  Tell God you can’t do it.  Ask Him for help.  Be grateful, not for the hurtful thing, be grateful He’s there to bring you through.  It’s so basic, so simple.  Why do we make it hard? 

I didn’t answer the question posed in the title of this post.  What’s it like……….it’s not nearly as much fun as it would have been if Peyton were here.  Tom & I try to play “what would he be doing now”, but it doesn’t really work.  There are too many variables.  So as we come upon the third anniversary, be praying for us.  Pray that we see all the good things surrounding us and we lean on and glorify God with our words and actions.

Thanks for reading (and praying) :)

Office Decorations 2010

I want to show you my office decorations for this year. 

Snowflakes for the door.  I used sticky tak to make them stay on, no damage to the finish.  I also put snowflakes on windows at home using the same stuff. 

 

Refurbished styrofoam fireplace.  I talked about it in this previous post.

 

Cardboard mantle

 

I like this sign I bought in Branson :)

 

Improvised tree topper. (hot glue is a wonder!!)

 

Table top tree

 

 

Santa is a little trimmer this year than usual, and he moved the fire out of the fireplace. :)

 

Hope you enjoyed the Christmas tour of my office.

Thanks for reading :)

These Pictures May Make You Queasy

if you’ve eaten as much as I have over the last week or so. 

I like to bake….and make candy….and then give it away.  I made these morsels a few weeks ago, before everyone was tired of sweet stuff.  Here are some pictures of my efforts.

Lots of chocolate chip cookies!!!

 

Brownie bites with Reese’s cups :)

 

Drop sugar cookies, no rolling & cutting.

 

Toffee with almonds and Pecan Pie bars (my fave)

 

Microwave Peanut Brittle (Tom’s specialty)

 

My grandma made these when I was a kid and then my mom and now I make them.  They are called “Martha Washington’s” coconut, pecans, eagle brand milk, butter & powdered sugar mixed up, rolled into balls and dipped into chocolate.  Tom’s the dipper in the family. 

 

These are pecan sandies that would not come off the cookie sheet.  I thought it only fair to show my screw ups along with the good stuff :)

 

Cookie Tray

 

 

Candy Tray

 

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!!!!!

Thanks for reading :)

From Paradise to Plan B: The Unvarnished Story

Read this yesterday and wanted to share.
From Paradise to Plan B: The Unvarnished Story

The Flip side of the Archery Shop

I hope I didn’t give the impression from Saturday’s post that I was on the verge of tears the whole time we were at the bow shop.  That wasn’t the case at all. 

I started out my morning at the beauty shop.  I love my hairdresser very much.  She takes my hair to the edge, so when I left there, I looked like I was ready to go somewhere super cool and fashion forward.  After all, I was going to a town an hour away; who knows the shopping opportunities that could arise? Oh, the reality.

Tom knew the bow he wanted and had found a retailer (retailer is such a loose word here).  We plugged in the Garmin and headed out around 10:00 am.  We arrived in the middle of nowhere 75 minutes later.  Don’t get me wrong, we found it with no problem but the archery shop was pretty much it.  It was in a town of less than 2,400 people.

We got inside and Tom was looking around and told the guy he had called the day before and what bow he wanted.  Since I had been in the car for over an hour, I had to find a bathroom.  The bathroom doubled as the recycle room.  It had trash bags full of aluminum cans.  The best part was the duct tape……on the toilet seat.  Yes people, the seat was broken and had been repaired by the greatest stuff on earth, duct tape.  I was a little disappointed it wasn’t camo, just the regular gray stuff.

There were several  “good ‘ole boys” milling around talking about hunting.  There was also a “good ‘ole gal”.  She was buying her son a bow for Christmas.  She looked over at her son and told him she would take him to stay at his nana & pop’s house while she got her nails done.  Then she spit a mouth full of spit into the water bottle she was using for a spitoon.  Somehow those two things didn’t fit, a lip full of chew and getting nails done, but maybe I’m closed minded?

All the people seemed very nice and down to earth.  The owner is truly an expert at his craft, but I felt a  like a duck out of water.  There was a horrific moment out in the parking lot.  I COULDN’T GET INTERNET SERVICE ON MY PHONE!!!!  Then I moved a few feet and I was on Facebook in a flash. 

I asked Tom on the way home if he wished I were more of an outdoorswomen.  He’s fine with me just the way I am  :)

Thanks for reading :)

Christmas Tour 2010

Merry Christmas and welcome to my home.  I am participating in the Nester Tour of Homes again this year.  I look forward to checking out everyone’s decorations.  Click on the link, it will take you to a list of homes decorated for Christmas. :)

These are pictures of the things I have in my living room.

Dining Room!!!!

Christmas in the kitchen :)

Living room tree

Master Bedroom with a special tree.

 

Thank you for taking the tour.  Merry Christmas!!

“We used to be just like you.”

Tom and I spent the majority of our Saturday in an archery shop to purchase Tom a new bow for Christmas.  It’s quite a process, measurements taken, adjustments made, practice shots fired, etc.  Only the owner of the shop was working and he had a couple of customers before he was able to get to Tom.  There were men there with their sons.  There was also a mom there with her son.

I couldn’t help thinking how much Peyton would have enjoyed that place.  So much hunting paraphernalia (yes, this word has an “r” in it, who knew?)  We were both missing him.  I could see it in Tom’s eyes.  All those boys with their dads, some getting outfitted with new bows, others buying arrows and other necessary equipment.  One of the boys used a rubber band to shoot some paper at his friend.  I had to smile, it was exactly something Peyton would do.

I wanted so much to tell them all, “we used to be just like you!  We have a son we love very much but he can’t be here.  He lives in Heaven.  You would have loved him if you met him.  He loved hunting.  He loved being with his dad.  We miss him.” 

Of course I can’t go around randomly telling people those things.    So here I am, typing them on this blog.

Thanks for reading :)

Another Confession

There are times I post things that I am embarrassed about.  This is one of those times.  I think it is important to show the crazy things that grief can push you towards.

When Peyton first went to Heaven, I was desperate to know what he was doing.  John Edward is a man who claims to speak to the dead.  He has his own show on one of the cable networks.  I started watching it on a regular basis.  I knew it was wrong.  I knew it wasn’t of God, but I did it anyway.  I watched him speak to the deceased’s family members.  They seemed comforted by what he told them.  Of course there were times I thought Mr. Edward was so general he could be talking about anyone.  There were other times, he knew things that only the families would know. 

I wrestled with this issue a little bit.  I told myself, “what harm can it do, if it makes the families feel better?'”  He is telling them that their family members are fine.  You judge things by the fruit they produce.  Wasn’t he producing good fruit of comfort?

Wait a minute

I already know Peyton is fine.  This man can tell me nothing I don’t already know.

It took me a few weeks, but I did quit watching the show.  I realized, John Edward isn’t pointing anyone to Jesus.  That is the ultimate fruit.  When we come across something that seems supernatural, we need to test its fruit.  Is it real, godly eternal fruit? or is it fruit that produces a fleeting feeling?  Is the fruit giving God glory or man?  Test the fruit against the Word of God.  You can’t go wrong.

Thanks for reading :)

The Wonderful World of Styrofoam

Several years ago I was exposed to the wonderful world of styrofoam.  Our church uses it to make signs, letters, etc for the walls.  It is wonderful amazing stuff.  Lightweight, easy to cut, & paintable.

You can buy a 4 x 8 sheet of styrofoam for around $6.00.  You need one of these to cut it with. 

It is a battery powered hot wire.  I remember the first time I saw one of these babies slicing through the styrofoam like butta’.  I loved it (which I think is weird).  You can also buy an electric version instead of having to use batteries.  Mine uses batteries really fast.

Here are a couple of examples of styrofoam usage in our church.

Can you believe those delicate, fancy letters are made from cheap inexpensive styrofoam?!

 

This is the logo for our church daycare.  Cute :)

Christmas 2007, Tom, Peyton & I made this fireplace for my office.

We constructed it from cardboard and duct tape, then I cut out the “stones” from the styrofoam, hot glued them to the cardboard, then painted them shades of gray.  Here are some pics of my other office decorations that year.

 

Tom painted brown shipping paper to look like logs.  He & Peyton then put the paper up (with tacks) so my office looked like a log cabin. 

I’ve recycled the fireplace to use again this year. 

Tom cut the foam and hot glued it right to the previous “stones”.  I’m going for a more “formal” look for my office this year.

I remember so vividly Peyton helping me paint the fireplace.  I also remember hiding the hot wire tool from him.  I could only imagine the damage & torment he could have done with it.  Of course I am missing him, but I am so much better this year than last and I cannot even compare this year (the 3rd yr) to the first.  God is good and Heaven is getting closer every day.

Thanks for reading and I hope you find a cool use for styrofoam :)

Pride

We had an excellent teaching on pride the other night at church.  I have been thinking about it quite a bit since.  I was presented with an opportunity to use what I learned.  God is good like that.

We had a chili luncheon at work.  I ALWAYS make deer chili.  It’s a hit and I enjoy making it.  I am PROUD of it.  Well wouldn’t you know, SOMEONE ELSE was making the deer chili.  How dare they!? 

It gets better.  Do you know what I was asked to make???

VEGETARIAN CHILI (an oxymoron)

What the heck?!?!?!?!?

I agreed to do it.  I said I wouldn’t mind trying something new. I Googled “vegetarian chili” and asked the Lord to help me find a recipe.  He did, but I still did not want to make it.  What if it wasn’t any good?  What if I didn’t get any compliments? (why oh why do I confess these thoughts?) Finally, I let it go.  I asked the Lord’s forgiveness and guidance to make this dish.  He was with me every step and it was good :)

There is a vegetarian that works in our office.  He’s never asked for special consideration for his way of eating, but the person in charge of the chili wanted to make sure there was something he could eat.  He liked it very much and took home the leftovers :)

Making this chili wasn’t about blessing me with compliments or building up my pride.  God wanted to bless someone I work with and He used me to do it.  Thank you Lord.

What if I had let pride rule me?  I would have missed out on blessing someone and stretching out of my comfort zone.  God is about growth and going beyond what we can do on our own.

I know I am prideful in many areas.  One by one, God will reveal them and prune me.  I am grateful.

Thanks for reading :)

Home Improvement

Here are some pictures of the living room walls being painted.  Tom & Burke did a great job.  You can’t tell the true color from the pictures.  They are the color of chocolate milk, the kind of thick chocolate milk that you can buy in the store already made.

 

You can tell how drastic the color change was in this one.

I love this guy :)

Working hard

 

Thanks for reading :)

Not Far From the Tree

I believe I was in the 10th grade and my English teacher said to me, “Becky! if I didn’t like you so much, I would kick you out of my class!”  I don’t remember what I did or said, but I sure was glad she liked me :)

Yesterday a friend of mine was talking to a teacher that had Peyton in his class. “That kid drove me crazy in class.  Out of class, it was fine, but in class, I wanted to kill him!!  The things he would do or say, I would think, “I should be writing him up for this or sending him to the office” but he was so dang funny, I couldn’t.” 

How many times did I start to get on to Peyton and he would make me laugh?  He would say, “Mom, how can I take you serious, you’re grinning.”

I miss him driving me crazy.

Thanks for reading.

A Little Rambling

I appreciate daylight savings time, at least when we “fall back”.  It’s nice to be up and around before anything else is going on. 

We’ve had lots of company the last couple of weekends.  I enjoy the boys coming over so much.  Burke helped Tom paint the living room.  It is a dark brown, very cozy.  I’m ready to decorate for Christmas, but I won’t until the weekend after Thanksgiving. 

I was looking at my sidebar at how many times I have posted this year, almost half of what I did last year.  What’s up with that?  I don’t have an explanation.

Our lives are settling in to a routine (as much as possible with young adults randomly popping in)  I miss Peyton so much, but I am ok.  In the first years you are in such a turmoil, then as things settle down and you are feeling more “normal”, the realization that Peyton is really, really, not coming back starts sinking in.  I don’t know how much longer we will have to wait before we see him again.  I am so ready.

The Lord has been showing me things about His grace.  It is a hard concept for me to grasp, but I am getting there.  He loves us so much and never gives up on us :)  In the coming months, I will be focusing on my PURPOSE and VISION.  In 2009, it was said that we (the Church) would not recognize ourselves by the end of the year.  That was so true for me.  I have changed and grown so much and I don’t plan on stopping.  I will listen to God’s voice and follow His direction.   I will speak to any hindrance and lay aside any weight that tries to stop God’s plan for my life.

I am looking forward to the years to come and the plans God has for us, personally and as the Body of Christ.

Thanks for reading :)

DVR – Friend or Foe?

I’ve become a slave to our DVR.  I see the DVR list getting longer and longer.  It overwhelms me.  I think I’m a little OCD when it comes to lists.  I see my list and I want to eliminate everything on it.  Should I watch or erase???  Should I consider erasing a failure?

I started DVRing Oprah this season because it’s her last one on network TV.  I don’t watch every one of them because most of the subject matters don’t interest me.  But I want to be in the know about what is going on.  So I have Oprah on my DVR list 5 times a week.  Then there are all of Tom’s hunting shows on the list.  Come on, those shows are all the same.  They are 30 minutes of commercials for hunting gear.  AND THEY ARE WHISPERING THROUGHOUT THE EPISODE!!!!!!  I say ERASE!!!

I’ve never been the kind to not go somewhere because “my show” is on, but now I want to DVR everything so I don’t miss something.  Then I end up erasing because there is no way I am going to catch up on all those programs.  I don’t even want to.  When I do watch a show that we’ve recorded, I get all tense waiting on the commercials so I can fast forward.  I don’t really enjoy the shows I do watch.  What’s a woman to do?

I’m going to go through my programmed recordings and delete some.  But which ones?  American Pickers?  Pawn Stars?  Oprah?  Biggest Loser?  Man vs Food?  Ultimately, I do like the freedom the DVR gives us, but I’ve really got to be more selective or chill out about erasing so much.

Andy Griffith is on pretty much ALL THE TIME.  It’s my fave.  I really don’t need a DVR…….if I could only convince Tom.

Let ‘em Have It!!!!!!!!

Saturday we had the

1st Annual PDJ “Let ‘em Have It” Shoot Out

I named it “Let ‘em Have it” Shoot Out, because Peyton and one of his friends would holler that at each other when they were shooting.  I told them they should have their own hunting show and “Let ‘em Have it” should be the name of it.   We are hoping to make this an annual event to raise money for the scholarship fund.  My vision for this is big and I am looking forward to going public with it next year!!!  I will be recruiting LOTS of volunteers to help out.

Here are some pics from Saturday.  We appreciate everyone who came out.

 

I couldn’t help thinking how much Peyton would have enjoyed this event.  In my mind, I can see in detail how he held his rifle.  This memory brought some heartache, but it also brought comfort.  I’ve said this many times, but the biggest fear after Peyton went to Heaven, was the fear of forgetting.  The memory of him holding is rifle assured me I will not forget.  There are so many things I remember in vivid detail and I am grateful.   

We also ate lots of deer chili and shared some hugs too.  Oh yeah, Tom won the competition.  Something was said about home field advantage, but I’m sure that wasn’t it.  He’s just good. :)

Thanks for reading!!!!