Sunday, August 15, 2010

Then vs Now

I know God is calling me to be less and less concerned about myself.  Less of me and more of Him.  I type these words and they seem cliche’.  I’ve heard people that are way more spiritual than I am say them and now they are coming out of my mouth.  What are You up to God?

For the last few days there has been an unrest inside of me.  There are times it  feels as if my spirit is vibrating inside me.  That’s not an accurate description, but it is all my human mind has.  I’ve been praying more and more throughout the day. 

There are times I want to go back to the way I was before Peyton went to Heaven.  I want my life to be the way it used to be.  We were very happy and were incredibly blessed.

Presently, I am grateful for who I’ve become.  I have grown and changed in ways that I never would have imagined.   In most situations, I am a more sympathetic and caring person. 

Other times situations will arise and I have no patience for them.  In my mind I am thinking, “If I have made it through the death of my son, you can make it through _________.”  Do you see that small and selfish word in purple?  “I” is a very dangerous thing to focus on.  It truly wasn’t “I” who made it through.  God carried me through.  This was too big for “I” and He never left me. 

Would I bring Peyton back if I could?  YES!!!!!! 

Am I grateful for all God has done for me since Peyton has been gone?  YES!!!! 

Am I a better person now than I was when Peyton was here?  YES!!!!

This is God making something good out of something evil.


Kelley said...

You are a wonderful person Becky! So inspiring. God is using you in a powerful way!

Dar said...

Isn't that just like HIM! Great post - lots of food for thought.

Empty Nest Full Life said...

God is always working for our good, and wonderful that you recognize it as HIS hand. Thanks for the encouragement. Jackie