Thursday, December 18, 2008

Back in August I said that this blog is for me, and it is. My posts are to help me stay focused on the good things and not what I do not have. I am saying this because in my mind sometimes I get afraid you all (5 or 6) will stop reading because of the subject matter. I haven't censored myself so far and want to continue to be real with what I write, incIuding the down times too. I want to write what I need to write but I also rely on your comments. You are a blessing to me and I thank you.

Having said all that, here's some of my reality. I am grouchy right now and I do not care! I feel nothing is right and I am having a hard time seeing anything good. I want Peyton here! If you haven't guessed, I am crying. So here goes, "the list" The list I make when I don't feel like it, the list that forces me to see the good and look to the future.


THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR:


My husband

My church family and fellow bloggers.

All shopping & wrapping are DONE

People will like what I got them for Christmas

Tom & I are healthy and are getting healthier

Our boys (Adam & Burke)

The Peanuts (you know who you are) okay...... I'm laughing at that one

Family over for Christmas

Jesus

God's love for me

Church tomorrow

Fire in the woodburning stove

Okay, I get the idea. Our future is what we make it. What will I meditate on? What will I speak? With God all things are possible, our future can be incredible, amazing, awesome, unbelievably blessed if we make the right choices, subdue our flesh and walk in the spirit. My emotions are God-given, but can take me so easily into the flesh. This is a battle I will not lose.

Please do not report me for bi-polar disorder. I really did just run through those emotions as I wrote this, but really...I'm okay, this is "normal".




10 comments:

Sheena said...

Becky you are such a strong woman of God! You are an inspiration! I love how you always stay positive and look to God!

Jake said...

It's refreshing to see people be REAL with themselves. Continue blogging your subject matter, Becky. :-) Your church family really does support and love you guys.

Kevin said...

Keep writing about what's going on in your life. I can't even begin to imagine how it would feel to be in the situation you and Tom are in. Just to see the strength you both have been inspiring to me when I get into a cranky stinky place. (I know, you can't imagine your Pastor being in a stinky cranky place but it's true)
Ditto on what Jake said, we love you guys. PS - I think the Christmas treats you gave us disappeared by the time you guys hit the end of our driveway. Susan and I were wrestling over the fudge!

Beckypdj said...

I am hugging you all...in cyberspace. Thank you Thank you Thank you!

dar said...

Cyberhugging! That is great! I love it. Hey, Jake, real people being real, that is a great one, too. How is this for real? After 71 & 1/2 dozen cookies I am REALLY tired of baking cookies, but I'm glad it went so well! And thanks church family for all the orders! Is anyone really tired of EATING cookies yet? Fudge wrestling, now THERE is an idea!

Janna said...

Okay...I had to giggle at that last remark..."bi-polar disorder"--- let me just say... YOU ARE ENTITLED. Girl, you have a free pass to feel your emotions...even though I'm sure it would be easier not to most of the times. You are such an inspiration, you are strong, you make such a difference...I'm so thankful that our paths have crossed. And most important, you have a relationship with the Lord and he's carrying you through these very difficult times...and its so compelling and inspiring to see and hear about your journey. Love you gal...CYBERHUGS all the way!

dar said...

Cyberhugs! Every time I say the word I smile! Becky Jackson, you are REALLY walking the redemption of God out in front of us - bringing smiles when your heart is breaking, glory to God when you don't feel glorious! Yes, we do all love and support you!!!

Mona said...

Becky,

There is nothing bi-polar about you!! What you described in this blog is what people do who are more than conquerors! Taking every thought captive into the obedience of Christ!

As the old saying goes - we can't keep birds from flying over our heads, but we can keep them from building a nest.

You are more than conqueror because the Greater One is in you. I'm blessed to call you friend.

ps said...

First of all I want to assure you that we are faithful readers of your blog and nothing you say will change that! We love you and I think you willingness to bare your heart is nothing short than amazing. You keep right on writing and sharing and we will keep right on loving and doing our best to walk this with you. You are very loved!

One of the "Peanuts" said...

Becky, as I've told you before, you are such an inspiration and a wonderful friend. Yes sometimes the feelings can overtake you, but you are human and that is when God is really holding you in his hands. Keep looking to the future and all things will seem brighter. I was so blessed to be on your list! Love ya.