Father God,
I will celebrate this moment and every moment. I will celebrate You and Your marvelous creation, and I give thanks for this day. Today is Your gift to me, I will use it to Your glory while giving all the praise to You.
Amen.
I am too hard on myself. I believe the prayers I pray, but when I let myself get down and the grief overwhelms me I feel I have failed. I am realizing that just like everything else I learn from God, I will not do it perfectly. I am going to allow myself to grieve. But I am also going to grow through the grief and be victorious. God is always with me, when I am sad and when I am joyous.
Thank you Lord.
Yesterday I spent some time organizing pictures. As I was doing this I was thinking, I don't have anyone to pass these on to. I looked at Peyton's baby pics and thought about the grandchildren that would have had his face. You can imagine what all these thoughts did to me. Right now is not much better. It takes a lot of energy to focus on the positive, on the future. Sometimes the only thing I can think about the future is Peyton is not going to be there. I am so ready for this earthly life to be finished, but I know as a Christian we have to stay and finish our assignments and take as many people to Heaven with us as possible. I will honor Peyton today and live. I will be joyful. Lord, your Grace is sufficient for me. All things are possible to those who believe. I am the head and not the tail, above and not beneath. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. My enemy is satan and Jesus' name is above EVERY name.
I am grateful
Jesus is Lord.
I have peace that surpasses understanding.
Tom & I are enrolled in bible school.
Jerry Savelle is coming to LWRV to speak.
Tom & I are healthy
Adam S. is going to Heaven too.
Burke & Brock are in our lives.
Heaven is unbelievable!!!
I gave Peyton's calculator away, (you know, the crazy $100 one they have to have for high school)
God is working in me and through me.
Today would have been Peyton's first day of his Junior year of high school. Most of my morning has been consumed with thoughts that he is not here. I miss him so much, but I am glad he doesn't have to go to school. Peyton did well in school but always thought his time could be better spent elsewhere. Hunting, fishing, hanging with friends, etc. Peyton enjoyed life. I know he is enjoying himself now.
Now I am going to focus on what I am grateful for.
God loves me.
My son is in Heaven.
I will see him again.
My husband is a blessing to me, Tom loves God and loves me.
We have wonderful friends who love and support us.
I have a very understanding employer.
Mel is coming to visit on Friday.
Zane is getting better.
Peyton's friends are our extended family. I love those kids.
My son lived his dream.
Peyton will not be forgotten
Peyton's friends miss him, but are living their lives.
My church is awesome.
This is a very small list compared to the amount of blessing in my life. I am grateful for everything.
I feel like a normal person today. I have been reading some things Peyton's friends had written to him on Facebook. All of them say what a positive impact he had on their lives. I am amazed. I know Peyton wasn't perfect and he got into some orneriness sometimes, but still he was a person who stood up for what he believed and respected people. He was crazy fun!!
I remember at a Bible study group one time everyone was asked what person influenced our lives the most and how they influenced it. Everyone gave their answers and a comment was made that these people who have impacted us so much, don't even realize it. It makes me so conscious of my influence on others, is it positive or negative? Hopefully the positive outweighs the negative.
Peyton's friend has been moved out of ICU into a regular hospital room, going to see him tomorrow.
Thank you Lord for your active grace and mercy. I don't know why I keep using the expression "active grace", it just seems appropriate. God's grace is alive and active in my life.
Today is starting out good. I will look for the good in life today. I miss Peyton constantly; this is part of my life. God loves me.
Tomorrow it will be 7 months since Peyton's accident. It feels like forever. This weekend was very hard emotionally. I don't know if it is because of the anniversary or what. I don't know what is "normal". A friend of Peyton's had a car accident last Wed. He is in ICU with two broken legs. Tom and I went to visit him but I was unable to go into his room. I broke down and did not want to upset him. I hadn't been to a hospital since the accident. I am determined to see Zane in the hospital and unfortunately I am sure I will have the opportunity as his hospital stay will be lengthy. I pray for him and his family and thank the Lord for his complete recovery. After 9/11, Peyton was afraid. One day he was reading his Bible and came out of his room all excited. He said, "Mom, look what God showed me.!" For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11I was so proud that day. It was exciting knowing that Peyton was hearing from God. He wasn't even 10 years old yet. It is hard to reconcile in my mind this scripture to what happened to Peyton. The thing I am sure of right now is, God loves me. I don't understand the whys or what the future holds, but I know God loves me and He will never leave me. I know that Satan is a liar and I know God has a blessed future in store for Tom and I. His Word says so.
I have been reading over my past blogs. I really needed the encouragement today. Grief is a spirit and it will come over you with no warning. I have been crying off and on all morning. God did not give me a spirit of fear, but of Power, Love and a Sound Mind. I will NOT let grief consume me today. I will rejoice in the Lord and remember Peyton with joy. That is another confession I make, that I will remember Peyton with joy. It will happen, it is happening, thank You Lord! The one thing I knew without a doubt after Peyton's accident, Satan stole my son from me, but he would not destroy Tom and I. We are victorious overcomers looking forward to the day we see our Lord and see our son again.
Just got back from vacation. It was really fun. I really didn't know what to expect. The thought of making memories without Peyton was gut wrenching. I thought of him constantly, and kept feeling like I should call him. About two days before we left, I didn't want to go. But I did. 'When it started getting time to leave I thought about the fact Peyton wouldn't be there when we got home. I miss him so much. I focus on the love God has for us. Peyton is in heaven and I will see him again. Peyton is safe and having an unbelievable time. Tom & I are blessed beyond measure. The Lord has great things in our future and Tom and I hear God's voice and follow His direction. Thank you Lord!!Jose Rivera created a page for us to put in the football program. It is wonderful. Jose is a very talented young man and he has blessed us tremendously.As you can see by reading this, this blog is for me. It is a place where I can voice my beliefs and strengthen my faith. You always believe your own voice more than someone else's. So I speak to myself what God says and speak out our blessings. This in turn reinforces what is already inside me. Thank you Lord, for your Word and your love. Tom and I have the assurance that your Word is true and you will never leave or forsake us.
